The Oak Tree

Shrinking Our Fears

2010-05-21T12:10:00.002-06:00

Is it possible to not have fear?

Can our faith really be so strong that we feel great hope and peace in the face of deep trials or pain?

I've been thinking a lot about this question lately.

Neal A. Maxwell once said,

"If our love of God is sufficiently deep, then we will be sufficiently assured of His enveloping loving-kindness. With this perspective, our fears can shrink. Dread can dissolve. Additionally, there need be no ultimate fear for mankind's future solely because of proximate circumstances, vexing and besetting as the latter may be."

Our fears can shrink?

What an image. I picture fear as a cancer. And the medicine is whatever causes it to shrink. So just what is this medicine? ... So powerful to cause fear to shrink?

The answer that comes right to mind is the word faith. But this can be such a broad term in my mind. What exactly does this mean? According to the above quote it is according to the depth of our love of God.

The wise Neal A. Maxwell again said,

"We are to "look to God and live" (Alma 37:47). Peter advised that we are also to cast our cares upon God, because He cares for us (see 1 Peter 5:7). Why not do the same with our fears?"

Okay. So, to shrink our fears we must cast our cares upon God. How exactly is this done?

Neal A. Maxwell:

"Yet, hesitantly, we poise on the brink of real submission. But since God has given us life and all else we have, anyway, how can we really withhold ourselves, our attitudes, or our substance from His shaping love? Our degree of submissiveness thus becomes a true reflection of the degree of the consecration and love we have developed for Him.

Similarly, the dimensions of our fears expose the degree to which our love for Him remains yet to be developed."

I had to re-read this last quote over and over. It really hit something with me. The answer lies in our "deep" love for God and our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Will our fears ever shrink?

Perhaps if I surrender to Him more. Acknowledge His grace. And more fully trust that He loves me too.

Maybe shrinking our fears is something that takes a lifetime.

I've had many moments of calm that have come to me in my times of great worry. Most often my worry is strongest within the imaginations of my mind. The "what ifs" that could turn bad. It is usually in the moments I turn to Him humbly that He speaks peace to my soul. And my fear starts to shrink.

So, I guess the real question to my first question is,

How do I deepen my love for God?

Meet Tatonka

2010-04-24T21:39:00.003-06:00

I find it difficult to introduce myself in a post but here we go... I love people, I believe honesty is courageous, I want to understand the world in other perceptions besides my own, humor is my saving grace, I know love to be the most beautiful gift/emotion, and my most important role is being a faithful being a daughter of God. These concepts of myself has taken 32 years of trial and error and more years to come I'm sure. I'm constantly refining who I am and someday I hope, I hope, I hope to be have it all together.

Okay down to be meat/demographics of who I am; sex: female, age: 32, race and ethnicity: Native American, tribe: Navajo, martial status: single, occupation: Mental Health Therapist, political views: Democrat, astrological sign: virgo, and blood type: O-.

I'm looking forward to reading and sharing the sweet and bitter experiences of life with you beautiful ladies.

Disasters Happen

2010-04-18T10:54:00.002-06:00

We have a morning routine at my house. Get up. Change Logan's diaper. Get him into the tub or into the shower with Daddy. Breakfast. I start my chores while Logan watches a bit of morning TV.

This routine has been relatively steady for the past 6 months or so. Occasionally a bit of stirring will occur if we have a doctor's appointment or other prearranged early morning happenings. But, all in all, our mornings have been quite dependable.

But, as they say, all good things must come to an end. The culprit? I guess we could blame it on wrist development...

Logan can now open the door.

Now, Logan's newly developed motor skill hasn't completely ruined my morning routine for all time. Let's just say it made for a very interesting Thursday.

Thursday morning. Quite routine. I'm busily cleaning up breakfast, enjoying the sun and the smell of the cut grass. I can hear the lawn crew at work around our condo making things lovely and fresh. Then I take a quick break to go to the restroom. I usually keep the door open but I just wanted a few minutes to be alone sans watchful eyes of my two year old.

I can hear him outside the door begging to come in then just the sounds of the television. Business finished I open the door and turn into the kitchen not taking the quick second I usually take to check on Logan's whereabouts.

Then an urgent knock on the door followed by a series of rings (bad combo in my opinion). As I cross the family room my heart jumps when I realize Logan isn't where I put him. I open the door and see an familiar neighbor with Logan and behind him one of the lawn crew.

I gasped. Stunned I grab Logan with a hug and repeatedly say, "Thank You!" The neighbor who I've seen around but never talked with said very sweetly, "This gentlemen found him down the street. But don't worry, he [Logan] knew right where to take me when I asked him where his mommy was!" I could have kissed her for her kindness. The lawn man, however, not so compassionate. In his broken English he scolded, "You should watch him! He was behind the truck!"

I had no defense. I simply said thank you again, shut the door and hugged Logan who was completely unaware of the situation.

Being programmed into the day's routine we were off to our next errand on the list. Grocery shopping. As I was driving I was trying to push out the thoughts I was having. My mind kept wandering to "what might have happened!" I was pushing back tears trying to tell myself it's a new behavior for us all. We'll be more careful.

At the stoplight I pull up behind a truck that says in bold letters, "Disasters Happen." I cried. Oh, boy did I cry. I allowed myself five minutes to mourn my mistake. My human state. Those words of the lawn man burned into my brain, "You need to watch him!" I wanted to say, "I do! I do! I watch him all the time! I try to anticipate, to prevent, to teach. I set boundaries and repeat them over and over. I would strap him to my back until he's 30 years old if I could but I can't!"

Then my mind shifted to the neighbor. Her words of encouragement. Her pride in telling me that he knew the way back home. Then I prayed in gratitude. I'm so grateful that the lawn man saw him and brought him to the neighbor. I'm so grateful that their lawn truck was there to distract him from going onto a busier street. I'm so grateful for that wise neighbor who smiled and told me not to worry. I'm grateful that Logan knew his way back home.

It makes me realize that this feeling of helplessness will never go away. It has begun. Knowing his personality, Logan will often open doors on his own. And I hope he does. The only thing I can do is prepare him then pray that angels will surround him to keep him safe. I pray that human kindness will pull through. That whoever he meets will treat him with love and respect. But when they don't and he finds himself in need that he will come home.

This experience has been a tender one for me. I tend to gather little bits of what I learn on this journey of motherhood. This is a good bit. No matter how painful.

Given More

2010-04-15T07:25:00.016-06:00

The other day I had a conversation with someone who said to me,

"I could never give up a baby."

And let me add, this was said while my daughter was standing right next to me. What kind of message is this sending to my daughter? And even more what kind of spurious ideas are there about the realities and beautiful miracles that occur in adoption?

This question left me fuming. After a good night's rest, I'm not so upset. Her question is real. And indicative of a view point that is innocent from not knowing, experiencing or hearing about the positive and unimaginable joy that comes through adoption for all parties involved. So today, I am going to answer this common statement, from my heart. Knowing that for every negative story on adoption that swarms the media, there are thousands of miraculous ones.

My children were brought to us through the miracle of adoption. And when I say miracle, I mean it. Part of this miracle involved our beautiful Birthparents. Who by no means whatsoever "gave up" their sweet child.

It takes an incredible amount of love to do what they did. It takes more than love.

I have never witnessed such love. Nothing reminds me more of this love and sacrifice then the Savior's atonement for each one of us.

There is such a misconception about this part of adoption. Pictures of Birthmoms' extremely young or strung out on drugs are often the thing people assume were our children's birthparents circumstances that led them to choose an adoption plan.

Nothing could be farther from the truth in our case and in a majority of domestic adoptions. Our birthparents’ chose adoption. Our birthparents’ consisted of mothers and fathers who are well-educated, spiritual and come from families who have over 30 years of marriage experience. They didn't choose adoption because it was an easier choice or an easy way out! And they most definitely, unequivocally, did not choose it because they were "giving up" this precious life they created.

This is a choice that created much pain and grieving in their own hearts. Not a day goes by that they don't think of us.

They love their child so much that they wanted something better for them. In spite of the pain that they will naturally have to face because of it.

No doubt they found themselves in an "unplanned" circumstance. But never did they treat or feel that their child was not "wanted" or desired.

As a mom, I never had to wonder about the kind of care my children received in the womb. My daughter's Birthmom was so careful to eat only the healthiest of foods, get great pre-natal care and read much literature about the needs of this special child growing in her. My son’s Birthmom continued going to church and school during her pregnancy despite the judgments made on her. It is because of their great love that they wanted something more for the child growing in their belly. Something that would involve many sacrifices.

The next comment this person said to me was,

"If my child found herself in a teenage pregnancy, I would watch or raise the child for her, so she could go to college, finish school, carry on with her life, etc."

This way of thinking is very common in society and most often is the norm!

Adoption is "out there." And this is the norm!

I didn't find what this person was saying to be noble. I didn't view this as true love. I didn't think to myself, "Wow this individual must really love their child to do this for her."

Quite the opposite actually.

The question that comes to my mind time and again is this,

What about the child?

One thing my son’s birthfather said to us before his birth was,

“This child is a gift from God.”

I found this an extremely profound statement from a boy in an extremely difficult situation. And yet, his statement is not a politically correct or popular one. Because if our children are a gift from God, shouldn’t we be making choices for them accordingly? Shouldn’t their needs be at the very top of our agenda despite the sacrifices involved?

Our children are a gift from God. This is not just our child. It is first and foremost God’s. And as such, we have such a responsibility to them.

I’m not saying every unplanned pregnancy should result in adoption. Obviously, I am an advocate for adoption because I have personally witnessed the beauty of it. I just wish and hope wholeheartedly that the myths surrounding this beautiful act could be properly understood.

Unfortunately, we live in an imperfect world. Things happen. Unavoidable things. Avoidable things. And it is during these moments that we choose to make the very best choices because we know our lives are also a gift. And we hopefully want to make the choice that will please our Heavenly Father and create the most benefits.

The problem is, too many choices are often self-serving and often reflect what will make us more comfortable.

We live in a world today that treats children as commodities. Having a child is more about "your" wants instead of the child’s. Daycares are the norm. Fathers are not necessary. And as of today’s propaganda…families aren’t even necessary! Children are starting competitive sports before they are eight and are enrolled in every class imaginable to ensure they will get into their Ivy League schools. Preschools are turning as competitive as universities! Are we really doing these things for our children or our own pride as a parent?

This has hit such a nerve with me lately. Maybe it's because of the comments I keep getting about me not pursuing my career by "just" staying home. Or maybe it's a combination of the many comments I get about my children being "unwanted" or "given up" from their birthparents. As if our birthparents did the easy thing by not trying to raise the life they created.

Our Birthparent’s love their child so much that they are willing to go through any amount of pain so that their child doesn't have to feel it throughout their life. They want them to have a life with two parents. They want them to have a stable home life. They want them to know the innocence of childhood.

Lets not mince words. It isn't easy for a child to grow up without a father or a mother. It isn't easy for a child's main source of parenting to come from a daycare provider. How sad is it that many children's first words, first steps are witnessed by someone who will never be around to share those moments with them. Yet, we make these choices, because they benefit us! We, as parents can still go to work! Further our careers! Wear the latest clothes, drive the nicest cars and buy the biggest homes. And we think this is success. And the adults who choose to "stay home" or "give up" are doing so because they are lazy or have no talents, intelligence or drive.

Is there not a correlation between this false perception on adoption and the “me” mentality that is saturating our families in today’s world?

I know in saying this, I am leaving a large portion of parents who work really hard and do so for their children out of the equation. I am also deeply aware of parents who are both working or single parenting out of circumstances not of their choosing. Life happens. Difficult things happen. I get that. Believe me, I do!

I am speaking up for myself, my children and our courageous birthparents. I can't imagine how hard it must be for them to hear the callus words "given up" and "I could never do that." As if it is an easy thing. As if the person who "could never give up a child" is saying something noble. It would be a much easier thing for our birthparents to have raised their baby. But they weren't just thinking of themselves when they made their choice. And THAT takes more love, more courage, more pain than any love I have seen a parent give their child in raising them!

It is this love that reminds me how lucky I am to raise my kids. It is this love that makes me love my children’s birthparents so much. It is for this reason that our birthparent's are honored in our home. It is this love that I hope my children will feel so abundantly as they grow. It is this love that makes an open adoption indescribable.

Our birthparents wanted more for their child. A child, who was wanted from the moment they were conceived. A child whose future was agonized over, prepared for, prayed for and sacrificed for. Even before they would ever breath their first breaths of life.

Yes, this child may have been unplanned but never “unwanted.” This child was given more. Not given up.

Not Forgotten

2010-04-05T21:51:00.002-06:00

It's been awhile since I've looked at this beautiful blog. I re-read some of the remarkable experiences that have been shared and realize the value of a blog like this.

The other day I was looking at various blogs. I ran across a blog that has a reputation of being popular so I clicked on it to see what all the fuss was about. It was edgy and clever. Well written. But had this underlying cynicism that left me with a very negative, heavy feeling.

Then I returned to another blog that is well viewed and read her newest post and thought, "Man, has she got an ego!" Actually, blogs really are one ego trip after another. Well, some anyway.

This morning I just kept thinking about this blog. It's been a bit neglected. Maybe the initial vision took too much time than we all could really give it. But the heartfelt posts are so beautiful. I would never want to delete it.

It may be naive of me to think about how much good we could do if we could simply give more of ourselves through talking about our experiences. I love to connect to people. To hear what they are going through. What they are learning. Who or what are their influences. I look forward to the time in any relationship when the walls come down and I get a glimpse into what's really going on with this person. I'm not encouraging people to run around spewing personal information the first time you meet them. That would be strange and altogether inappropriate. I'm just saying when prompted to share, do so, without fear. You never know just how much help you could be.

It might be time to start blogging again.

Dissonance

2009-10-27T12:37:00.003-06:00

A thought came to me the other day as I was observing outside my window at the fall colors. A storm was brewing which sent the sky into this moody dark blue which actually heightened the intensity of the fall colors making this lush flavor for my eyes to savor. Words like dissonance, contrast, opposites came to mind as I sat wondering the cause of such beauty. The colors of fall are rich and warm but an approaching storm creates a cool atmosphere. Opposites.

In singing, another past time I love, often notes will clash in harmony then resolve leaving one wanting to hear more. I love to sing alto; I welcome the difference and sometimes the clash knowing the dissonance will bring depth and richness to the song. An unexpected but welcome choice.

I'm trying adopt this principle into my relationships with others. Some of my favorite people are almost my complete opposite. We do have our similar interests, don't get me wrong. One of my painting teachers had a mantra: Similarity with Variety when trying to create an interesting composition. And that's what I want my life to be like; an interesting composition of people, of talents, of attitudes, etc. I want my life to be as colorful and full of life as the colors of fall.

When I was in my early 20's I really feared or felt threatened by someone if they didn't agree with me. I felt the relationship would not hold if differences existed. As a result I'd often change my views to fit the conversation. Over time this left me incredibly empty and afraid to do or say anything without the approval of others. Now I really try to embrace differences and it really has made all the difference. I'm much more able to love others and myself when I'm more accepting.

There is not one person I've met who doesn't really love the colors of fall; especially when winter is approaching. Could God be painting something for us to think about? We are drawn outside by the diversity of color but are we really getting the message? It's a message of acceptance and love. Truly, similarity with variety makes for the best and most interesting life.

The Best Day

2009-08-18T11:50:00.003-06:00

I have been feeling quite emotional for the last several days. Weirdest thing. These powerful surges of emotions have been occurring for several days every month, for the last while. ha ha ha. Wonder what it could be?

At any rate - this morning as I was working out with my ipod, the Taylor Swift song "The Best Day" came on.

I immediately pictured myself as the mother in this song. Here is where my daydreamin' came in. I pictured myself as a mom, now, with my little babies "hugging at my knees," tractor rides and running all day.

I then began daydreamin' of the day my beautiful little girl would be thirteen. And if she came home crying from friends being mean, how I would act towards her.

I started tearing up in my gym as I pictured myself to the words of this song.

"I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys
And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away
And we talk and window shop till I forget their names"

I can only hope to be the kind of mom in this song.

Here are the lyrics, in case you are feeling emotional today too. Or maybe you'll just read them and think I'm crazy. Which isn't too far off today!

I'm five years old and it's getting cold
I've got my big coat on
I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you
I run and run
Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides
Look now the sky is gold
I hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you're not scared of anything at all
Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day with you today

I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean
I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys
And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away
And we talk and window shop till I forget their names

I don't know who I'm gonna talk to now at school
But I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you
Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel ok
But I know I had the best day with you today

i have an excellent father
His strength is makking me stronger
God smiles on my little brother
Inside and out he's better than I am

I grew up in a pretty house and i had space to run
And I had the best days with you

There is a video i found from back when i was three
You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me
It's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dwarfs
Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

Now i know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
Staying back and watching me shine and I didn't know if you knew
So I'm taking this chance to say that i had the best day with you today

Havin' a Daydreamin'

2009-08-17T13:17:00.005-06:00

It could be the sound of the birds chirping out my window. Or the noise the wind makes as it wisps through the trees. Or possibly the endless sunny days we've been having...that has my mind wandering to the beachside.

I imagine sinking my feet into the soft white sand as I listen to the bright blue waves gently come in, one after the other.

The Jimmy Buffet song "Havana Daydreamin" which I like to think of as "Havin' a Daydreamin'" is a song I sing as I am wishing I could be on the relaxing beachside. My favorite place.

Instead today I will be scrubbing my shower stall, three loads of laundry and hopefully I'll get a shower. And while I am so grateful to have the blessing of a home to care for, it will be my favorite trips that will keep me smiling.

THAT is why I am excited to introduce our next topic: "Havin' a Daydreamin'"

What are some of your favorite day-dreams?

Every Family Needs a Little Wiggle Room

2009-07-27T17:42:00.003-06:00

When God formed my family I'm sure he had the virtue forgiveness in mind. We are large in number, vast in personality, and when provoked all of us tend to breath fire! Despite our quantity, diversity, and tendency to heat things up we have a genuine love for one another. In fact, I couldn't imagine life without these crazy people.

Being the seventh of eight I've experienced what it's like to have 4 moms and 2 dads. Making major decisions (or even minor ones for that matter) was like presenting an idea to a hostel board room. EVERYONE had an opinion. The biggest example that comes to mind was when I decided to leave after only 2 years of college to go on a mission for my church. Oh my, you would have thought I wanted to join the circus. I heard discussion after discussion as to why I shouldn't go. But in the end, I went. It was hard but it was the right thing for me.

From that experience and others like it I've learned to forgive my family when we don't see eye to eye. In my head I call it giving them some "wiggle room." They are my family and we've been through too much together to be torn apart by our trite imperfections.

When family dynamics become too much for me to understand I often ask the dreaded "whys?" Why is family so important? Why is it so hard to get along? At times it would be so easy to throw my hands up in defeat and never speak or see these people again!

I've have been at real odds with some of my family members (usually over in-laws) and that's when I feel the worst. I can't help but feel there is something rocking my foundation when I'm fighting with a sibling. Most times the problems are easily solved with some time and a pair of forgiving hearts. But some issues are complicated and take more time, more forgiveness, adding some prayer, and a little faith.

I truly believe in family. I believe it can be difficult and joyous. But I also believe that divine characteristics can be developed working within a family. I do not believe in the "perfect" or "ideal" family mainly because there's no growth when there's no resistance. I feel in the end my family will be as colorful and passionate as Day One but our love and devotion to one another will be unmatched.

The other day my mom joked that when our family is all "on the other side" she will lovingly but earnestly hand the mantel over to my dad (who died when I was young) and say "I did the best I could; it's your turn to fix this mess!" I giggled but in my heart I knew the truth in her jest. We may not all belong to the same belief system our parents painted for us but I think my dad would be proud of our efforts to love and forgive one another. I think he has always had faith in us as a family.

Joyce Brothers once said, "When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses." I don't typically look for wisdom from a 1960's advice columnist but I feel the principle rings true today. I'm at my happiest with my family around me. They mean the world to me and I to them. Each day brings it's own problems but they seem conquerable when I have a family member to talk to or to laugh with. Now, isn't that worth a little "wiggle room?"

Acceptance

2009-07-24T13:32:00.006-06:00

My sister is 5 years older than me. Five long years.

This age gap was HUGE when we were younger. To add another wrench into our age gap, we are complete opposites in every way. And this is putting it mildly.

She is very "type A" whereas I am very type-NOT-A. She was always boy crazy, I hated them. She always was dressed very nicely, very clean and her room was always in order. I rarely made it five minutes without spilling something on my mismatched t-shirt and shorts, ran bare-foot everywhere (my feet were always the color of asphalt) and my room was a big pile of stuff.

I'm a very deep sleeper, she is light. My early, full-blast, beeping siren of an alarm clock would always wake her up and never me. You can imagine the lovely "cheerful" face I was awoken to on these mornings. Sorry sis!

I use to chase her around with bugs when I was around five laughing my head off and her screaming bloody murder. The list goes on and on. And that is how we are. Even to this day. I'm sure my sister is appalled at hearing I left the house without a shower in my pony-tail, jeans and t-shirt. She always looks great. And to be honest, I hope this is what we have come to love most about one another. I really wouldn't want her any other way.

Sounds good on paper, right? If only.

Our differences can make it hard to understand one another. I'm sure I drive her bonkers most days. But part of me wonders if this is why God chose us for sisters. Perhaps I have much to learn from my very opposite sister. Acceptance being top on that list.

But how this is done is a work in progress.

While it is funny to reminisce about all of our small differences, I know my sister and I have a few really big similarities. We love our family. We love our God. And if anyone were to try and hurt one another, I have no doubt who would have my back.

Hopefully over time we will stop being the ones that cause most of the hurt and misunderstandings to one another.

And just how do I gain this acceptance? Awww, the question of the hour!

I no doubt think this lesson with my sister can be applied to many of the relationships in my life. Eight years ago, I became a daughter in-law. I'm sure my husband's mom is shocked at the "homemaking skills" or lack thereof of her poor, sweet son's wife! ha ha ha.

My mother-in-law got a degree in Home Economics and I have no doubt she probably got straight A's. She is an outstanding mother and wife. I cannot think of another woman who could raise five boys all within two years of age...and still have her sanity! She is an amazing cook, seamstress and is more frugal than anyone I have ever met.

All of her strengths seem to be weaknesses for me. Things I really work on but often fall short.

I feel I am arriving at a level of acceptance not just for her... but for me. I am a much better person, friend, wife and mother when I focus on my strengths instead of comparing my weaknesses to others' strengths.

God knows I have plenty to choose from (weaknesses, that is). The strengths I have to offer my relationships may be different from the next person, but are good things, nonetheless.

I feel more love towards others when I put my emphasis on not comparing and accepting. And this, I believe, is the first trick to achieving true acceptance.

I have recently been reading a book by Karol Ladd, titled "The Power of a Positive Mom." She said,

"We are "fearfully and wonderfully made" by our loving heavenly Father.

God knew just what he was doing when he made each one of us --

imperfections and all!

...often...we are tempted to compare ourselves to other women,

and we forget that God has created us as unique mothers

designed with exacting care to benefit our unique homes and families.

...we are glorious creations -

a special blend of strengths and shortcomings

that God has put together to create a

beautiful work of human art..."

I LOVE how she worded this! We are glorious creations. And our weaknesses and strengths make us a beautiful piece of "human art!"

In my journey to acceptance, I often find myself thinking,

"It would be so much easier if everyone else would just accept me, and focus on my strengths instead of weaknesses."

How nice would that be! But the real journey lies in learning to accept myself first and then those around me.

We all have good to offer. How much better we would feel and our relationships would be, if we could focus on the good and treat one another's weaknesses as part of their "human art."

Topic: The Family

2009-07-19T21:32:00.013-06:00

The Family

"We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together." ~Erma Bombeck

The next topic is The Family. Now, this topic is vast with many avenues to consider. For most family is complicated; happy, but complicated. I’m often amazed at the motley crew I was thrust into at birth. But, we can all agree there is a strong pull toward one’s family. My family is everything to me; as flawed as we all are we seem incomplete without each other. So let’s talk about family.

Some thoughts...

What is family? Do you have to share the same genes to feel the affects of a family unit?

How can we make our family stronger?

What if we don't get along?

Getting along with in-laws.

Finding time for family togetherness.

Fun family ideas or traditions.

Unexpected Lesson

2009-07-10T18:10:00.004-06:00

I had a really interesting Thanksgiving a couple years ago. My husband and I visited my sister in Washington DC for a long weekend. She lives in a very diverse community which she loves. She befriends many from all different walks of life so at our Thanksgiving table we had all sorts of faces with all different stories to tell.

We had recently seen a movie called "Shut Up and Sing" which was a documentary about the Dixie Chicks. I'm sure many have heard of their lead singer's controversial comment about President Bush at a concert in England a few years ago. Anyway, this documentary is about their experience during and after the windfall of her comment.

So, back to Thanksgiving. We had just seen that movie in the theater and had a rather interesting discussion about whether or not Dixie Chicks deserved to be shut out of the country music community like they were.

In the movie Natalie Maines continued to say unfavorable things about Pres. Bush and one of the members of our Thanksgiving table was irate and said no matter her opinion you just don't disrespect the leader of our country like that. In response to this comment this very quite woman spoke up and unleashed the horriffic state of her home country. She told of her fear of ever saying ANYTHING negative about her country's leaders. They would either be put into jail or beaten for having political opinions that differ from the norm. I was so struck by her love for our country where she could say anything she wanted without fear for her life. In my naitivity I couldn't believe this sort of situation still existed in other countries.

This conversation was actually quite life changing for me. Freedom of speech was constantly on my mind. I never quite realized how important freedom of speech is to our country until I heard this wonderful woman's experience. We can be upset with other's opinions but they have every right to voice their views. That's what freedom means to me...freedom to think and express myself.

What Is Freedom?

2009-07-06T21:02:00.003-06:00

As this nation celebrated Independence Day and as people gave thanks for living in a "free" country, I asked myself "What does it mean to be free?" And that is the question I pose to all of you....What does freedom mean to you?

For fun, I looked up freedom in the dictionary. One of the definitions read " the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action" and "the power to exercise choice and make decisions without constraint from within or without; autonomy; self-determination"

We live in a time when there are so many opportunities out there for all of us. To me, freedom is a lot of different things. It's the ability to pursue an education or a career. It's the ability to get in the car or on a plane to go visit family and friends. It's the ability to worship how I want. I really like how the one definition says that with freedom we can make decision without constraint "from within or without". It never occurred to me that I can restrict my own freedom by that which is "within" me. My thoughts can restrict my freedoms. I think freedom is much more than what we think.

I really enjoyed this little clip on Freedom and hearing people from all over the world talking about what freedom is to them.

Top 100 Books by the BBC

2009-06-30T16:24:00.002-06:00

The following list was compiled by the BBC. The BBC assumes most people will have only read SIX of the 100 books on the list! I Had a difficult time locating the original site containing the list. So...it is cut and paste from an email I received. Hope you enjoy!

Color Red the ones you have read

**Double Star the ones you loved

Bold those you plan on reading

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible -
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time...by Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tart
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas **
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom X
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo **

An Escape

2009-06-29T20:38:00.002-06:00

I love the comics that Tallulah puts up. I've been thinking about the last one (shallow section). And honestly, sometimes my worried brain needs a little bit of shallow.

Does that make me shallow? (insert giggle)

I started "reading" (which means listening to audiobook on my ipod) a light-hearted book a couple years ago. It was by Sophie Kinsella and is called "Confessions of a Shopaholic." There is a movie out based on this book. But in my opinion, is not NEAR as funny and witty as the book.

At the time I picked up this read, I had so much on my mind. We were having to make many difficult decisions and many that involved hours of work. This book took me away from our emotional and physical demands and brought into my life a much needed escape. I found myself laughing out loud at many parts. Without fail, I was able to rest from my worries.

Books are quite powerful aren't they? While I can't say I learned more about myself and the universe with this read. I definitely needed something light-hearted to rest my mind. And this did the trick. Oh, the things Becky Bloomward gets herself into! If you haven't read this book, I highly recommend it.

Sometimes the shallow section is needed when things already feel heavy.

Waxing Poetic

2009-06-26T10:23:00.002-06:00

A big giant thanks to Mamma Mia for picking the Companionship of Books for this month’s topic – and I hope you’re picking up on my sarcasm. What? Don’t I like books? That’s the problem. I love them. I breathe and eat them. I’m an ENGLISH teacher for heaven’s sake! How in the world do I write about how I love books in one teeny blog without waxing pathetically poetic? Well, I can’t. So here it is. (My apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Druantia. I guess we're both on the same wavelength.)

How do I love thee books? Let me count the ways.

1. For letting me snuggle up under the covers with a Diet Coke at bedside, slowing sliding into a world beyond my maddening routine of laundry, diapers, papers to grade, and dusting.

2. For letting me waste the entire morning today while my kids watch TV and not feeling a bit guilty.

3. For broadening my travels to Africa, Russia, China, Mexico, the future, and the past at a bargain price of $12.95.

4. For those unforgettable moments with my toddler on my lap, “Dinosaurs Happy. Dinosaurs Sad. Dinosaurs Good. Dinosaurs Bad.”

5. For those moments when my biggest problem student stays after class and asks, “Can I buy this book from you?” (And I’m not entirely mad when it ‘disappears’ later that week anyway.)

6. For Atticus Finch, for Harry Potter, for Elizabeth Bennett, and millions of other friends, close and dear.

7. For saving me from so many mistakes because I got to see what would’ve happened had I followed that road.

8. For those inspired moments when I reread that line again outloud, just to taste the honey on my tongue.

9. For that second time reading it, because once just wasn’t enough.

10. For that bonding moment when you hear, “I have a book you just HAVE to read. You’ll love it,” and you do.

2009-06-25T16:11:00.002-06:00

How Do I Love Thee?

2009-06-25T13:14:00.002-06:00

Let me count the ways . . . .

1. I love the way books look.
2. I love the neat way books stack on a shelf or in a box.
3. I love the way books smell. A fresh one or a used one, it doesn't matter.
4. I love the way a book feels in my hands, its denseness and smoothness.
5. I love the anticipation I feel as I open the cover of a brand new novel.
6. I love the familiarity and comfort that washes over me when I open up a well-beloved book for the umpteenth time.
7. I love the feeling of resolution and completion as I finish a well-written journey.

Should I stop yet?

Oh my, this topic is one dear to my heart. I admit that I am a total bibliophile. I love books. I always have. I suppose it began as a young child as my mother read aloud to me. I remember sitting at her feet in the shade of the peach tree in our back yard. The books she read to me awakened my imagination. I became Mary Lennox in her Secret Garden. I lived Jo Marsh's trials right along with her and the other Little Women. I completely empathized with Ramona Quimby and got many ideas for tantrums and misbehavior from her.

I believe that reading as a child opens up a door in your mind and heart. The books you read at that tender age become a part of you in a way that no other reading for the rest of your life will. When you revisit those stories again in adulthood, whether just for fun or as you read to your own children, you feel an echo of your youth.

I love to reread books. There as so many books on my to-read list that perhaps I shouldn't waste my time rereading, but I can't help myself. Some books are like old friends to me. I open their pages and I feel comforted. I feel like I am home. How can you call visiting home and old friends a waste of time? And not just the books are friends, but the characters within.

Anne Shirley truly lives for me. I admire her and want to emulate her.

Elizabeth Bennett is like my alter-ego. Whenever I read Pride and Prejudice I somehow trick myself into thinking that it's about me, not some fictitious character.

Oh, I could go on and on.

But that's only half the story. That only covers fiction, memoirs, biographies, and any other genre about people.

I love non-fiction as well. That genre has served me well. How else would I have learned to paint my living room, install wainscoting in my basement, potty train my daughter, cook delicious meals, keep my house organized, sew Halloween costumes, crochet afghans, etc. etc.

Sure, I could learn by asking someone to teach me. But that's not my style. I've always been a do-it-yourself kind of gal, and the local library has become my best friend whenever I'm wanting to learn something new.

When in doubt, find a book. There's a book for everything. There are books to teach you new skills. There are books to give you ideas. There are books that entertain. There are books that instruct. There are books that uplift. There are books that educate. There are books that transport you to a new place. There are books that take your mind on vacation and give you respite from your daily life.

I love to read. I will read forever. I will read to my children, and I only hope that they will find it half as fulfilling as I have.

My beginning

2009-06-25T10:53:00.009-06:00

My love affair with books began with a little old man we all know as:

One of the greatest investments my mom made into our book collection was joining a Dr. Suess Book club. I clearly remember sitting in the corner behind our rocking chair that had an entire bookcase row completely full of his imaginative writings. I would read and read and read. And I LOVED his books!

To this day, you will not find my bedside table empty of books. It will have a stack on it, under it and in it!

I LOVE to read!

And I have Dr. Suess to thank!

As I grow older, I love his writings even more. I love that his books have a purpose and message behind them. And even more, I absolutely cherish the imagination of words, unique illustrations and silliness that each book contains.

Where else can you read books that include sayings such as,

"Today you are You, that is truer than true.

There is no one alive who is Youer than You."

"From near to far, from here to there,

funny things are everywhere."

"You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself, any direction you choose."

I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.

Some come from ahead and some come from behind.

But I've bought a big bat.

I'm all ready you see.

Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!

"Big Z, little Z, what begins with Z? I do.
I'm a zizzer zazzer zuzz, as you can plainly see."

Think left and think right and think low and think high.

Oh, the things you can think up if only you try!

And here is a great quote from Dr. Suess himself describing his writing:

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities."

One thing I wish to pass on to my own children is a love and respect for books. And I will no doubt make sure that by Christmas... our bottom row bookshelf will be dedicated to my friend and companion...Dr. Suess!

An Invitation to Read

2009-06-21T16:11:00.008-06:00

"No man can be called friendless who has God and the companionship of good books." ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I never thought of books as companions, but I love that expression. They are companions. They bring different worlds and friends into your life that you would otherwise not meet. They bring you joy, they make you laugh, they make you cry and sometimes they make you really think. I just recently packed up my house and moved. In my house I had several bookshelves full of books. I thought that since I was moving it would be a good time to downsize my book collection. I would like to say I am embarrassed by the fact that I only got rid of about 14 books, but I'm not really embarrassed by that. I love books! I will, however, refrain from telling you how many boxes and boxes and b o x e s of books I ended up packing. I guess it was hard for me to give up my companions.

I love books of all kind - well, let me rephrase that, I love books of almost every kind. I will not and cannot read "romance" novels - for me those are a waste of my time. My favorite kinds of books are historical novels - I enjoy history. I also enjoy the old classics - Moby Dick, Anna Karenina, The Count of Monte Cristo, etc. In them I find another world. A world wherein the people have a high intellect and the books are written as such. I have found lately that there is a lot of trash out there. And by trash, I mean books written in such a way that the language and the ideas have been "dumbed down". Authors no longer want us to think for ourselves - they want to simply spoon feed us what is going on and not give us the freedom to discover for ourselves what lies hidden deep within the story.

For example, the opening line of Anna Karenina says: "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Rather than just making a statement that "this is what the book is about", Tolstoy makes more of a philosophical statement about happiness. It is up to us to determine whether or not that statement is true and to come up with our own conclusions as to what that statement really means. That is what I love about books - don't spoon feed me, let me think, let me use my imagination.

However, there are times when a good laugh-out-loud I don't want to think book is in order. Sometimes I just need to escape from the troubles of the world and dive into a world that makes me laugh. I read a book called "Sleeping With Schubert" that did just that - it made me laugh out loud! The title is a little deceiving, and I was a little nervous to start reading it when my friend gave it to me and said, "Here, read this - it will make you laugh". The premise of the book is that Schubert suddenly inhabits the body of a woman and causes her to go from a no one to a someone in the world of music. I still think about some of the lines from that book today and laugh. The idea of this happening is totally preposterous but being a musician a lot of the things said in the book are things that I have experienced. This book brought into my home a friend to share those experiences with - a friend that reacted in a way that I wish I could react, but which reaction is totally unacceptable in society!

It's hard for me to list my favorite books...but here are some:

Anna Karenina by Tolstoy

The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein ( this book almost always makes me cry)

Scrambled Eggs Super by Dr. Seuss (loved it as a kid and still love it now)

The Book of Mormon, Old Testament and New Testament (definitely a must read)

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

The Historian by Elizabeth Kostovo

The Madonnas of Leningrad by Debra Dean

The Magician by Sol Stein

The Magician is one of those make you think and perhaps make you're head hurt books. It's a hard book for some to read as they find it a bit disturbing. It is a book I read in high school literature class. We had a choice between Catcher in the Rye and this book - I selected this book because everyone else chose to read Catcher in the Rye. I will never, ever forget this book- ever. It brought into my world characters that I had never met before. Characters that I was unsure as to whether I liked them or disliked them. Characters that thought in a way I had never thought before.

Well, those are a few of the books that have just left a great impression in my mind. In today's hectic world I think we forget to take the time to read good books. It is through reading that we can stretch our imaginations, we can educate ourselves as well as find comfort. Let us not forget to take time to explore the many different worlds and inspirations contained in the pages of good books.

"Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers." ~Charles W. Eliot

Most Influential Books

2009-06-14T21:00:00.006-06:00

I wasn't sure how I would approach this post about books. I could write how my sappy love affair with books began; but I was getting way too bored. So, I thought why not do my top six influential books. I refuse to put these in any sort of order as they are all beloved.

6. Gone With the Wind: This was the first novel I read without being assigned in a formal classroom. I was in Jr. High. My mom tried so hard to get me to read the Work and the Glory series and I just wouldn't; I had no desire and I still don't. My step-dad then brought home this old copy of Gone with the Wind and I was hooked. I can still remember smelling the pages of this beautiful old hard back. It still is a treasure of mine.

5. The Five Love Languages: I found this book extremely helpful in my marriage. Suddenly my husband didn't seem so alien to me. I really appreciated the conversations we had in response to this book.

4. A Christmas Carol: I love this story of hope and redemption. I love it in any medium (play, movie, or book), but to read the novel is Christmas to me. I try to read it towards the end of Autumn. It helps me remember that "mankind [is] my business."

3. The Book of Mormon/Bible/Doctrine & Covenants/Pearl of Great Price: You can all roll you eyes at my predictability, but truly, when I open scripture and see the words and feel the pages, I'm simply called home. There is so much peace waiting for me. So much understanding. I've had so many moments of elevation through reading these books, how could I not mention their importance to me.

2. The War of Art: I read this recently and I found it stilled so much of my anxiety as a creative person. I felt validated, motivated, and grateful for my talent instead of afraid to have a profession that many consider merely a hobby.

1. East of Eden: I barely read novels through college, or anything else that didn't resemble a textbook. When I read East of Eden I was blown away by the characters. I'd never met a character as evil as Kathy and I found myself completely intrigued by her. This was the first novel that really came alive for me as an adult. I hauled that bound brick of type wherever I went; I just had to know what happened next! When I was finished I felt like I was the robot Johnny Five on the movie Short Circut saying "Imput! Must have more Imput!" Give me the next story! This is where I made room in my life for a good book.

Oh, and my all-time favorite books as a child:
Little Engine That Could
Pickle-Chiffon Pie
Ticky Ticky Tembo
anything by Richard Scarry

I like that Mamma Mia chose the word "companionship" for I feel like those characters are waiting for me to tell me their story. And I learn so much from them. It really doesn't have to be a self-help book to learn something worthwhile. In fact, Jesus taught in parables, or stories, to help everyone understand eternal principles. I once had a co-worker say that she refuses to read novels because she felt they were a waste of time. She only read church books or self-help books. My heart dropped for her because I have so much love for the characters I've met. In response to such heartbreaking news I suggested that maybe it was a time-management problem and not the choice of book that is so time consuming. She politely grinned and changed the subject. Oh well, can't win them all!

I've really enjoyed belonging to an online "booksite" like Goodreads or Shelfari. It has been so fun to see what others are reading. Plus I have a place where I can keep the titles of books I want to read in an organized place instead of instantly forgetting to write titles down. Just a suggestion!

Topic: Companionship of Books

2009-06-12T09:31:00.006-06:00

I am really excited about our next topic:

Companionship of Books

What is the value of a "good" book?

And just what are some of these "good" works of literature?

In what ways has literature changed, uplifted and helped you in your life?

What are some of your favorite books of all time? What books have made your brain hurt? What books have made you laugh out loud? What books have taken your mind off of the present? How has literature helped you become a better person and "strengthened" you?

President McKay once said,

"As with companions so with books.

We may choose those which will make us better, more intelligent,

more appreciative of the good and the beautiful in the world..."

"Books,"

said Hazlitt,

"wind into the heart;

the poet's verse slides into the current of our blood.

We read them when young, we remember them when old.

We read there of what has happened to others;

we feel that it has happened to ourselves.

They are to be had everywhere cheap and good.

We breathe but the air of books.

We owe everything to their authors on this side barbarism."

Patience is Becoming a Virtue

2009-06-11T16:49:00.005-06:00

As I think about the different hurdles in my life and the different ways in which they have come I can't help but think that some of the most difficult ones to face, let alone jump, are the ones that come because of decisions other people in my life have made. It seems like when I have caused the problem it is easier to fix, or at least easier to accept. I can look at the situation and think about what I need to learn from it, what I will do different next time, and what I need to do to make it better. But when the trials come because someone I am close to has made a life decision that affects me it makes it much harder for me to adjust to, mostly because I don't get to control how or when it is fixed.

I once heard someone say that our biggest trials in our lives we either married or gave birth to. Anyone who is married with children can probably relate to that philosophy. As much as I love my family, learning to live with other people and accept the fact that they have their own opinions and way of doing things is a big life lesson, especially when their choices or priorities are different from my own. I think I must be a little bit of a control freak, or maybe it is human nature. But I know I have a tendency to want to push my husband and my children to do the things I want them to do, at the time I want them to do them. But when I step back and think about it, I realize that my Father in Heaven does not handle me in that way, and it must be disappointing to Him when I try to handle His other children in that way.

The only person I can change is me. The only actions I can change are mine. And the only attitude I can improve is my own. I have to allow other people that same opportunity. I have to let them make their own bad decisions and allow them to fix their own problems in their own way. Sometimes it is quite challenging, a big hurdle, to stand back and watch someone I care about suffer through a learning experience without trying to fix it for them. But how else will they learn? How else will they grow?

When I was younger my mother would always remind me that “Patience is a Virtue”, to which I always retorted, “But not one of mine!” But I really am trying to learn patience, to trust that when trials come through no decision of my own that there is a learning opportunity there even for me. Even if it is only to learn how to have patience with the trial, or to trust that God has a hand in it, and be patient with His timetable.

One of my favorite quotes is by Neal A. Maxwell. He says, “Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient, we are suggesting that we know what is best--better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than His. We can grow in faith only if we are willing to wait patiently for God's purposes and pattern to unfold in our lives, on His timetable."

I think the most important thing I have learned with trials in my life, no matter the trial, our doing or because of someone else, God knows what we are going through. He knows and He cares. He always sees a bigger picture than we do. He knows what we need to learn and how we need to grow, and He patiently waits as we learn and grow. And if it is a trial that someone close to us needs to go through, He will comfort us while we wait. He is always there for us! I am so grateful for that knowledge, it makes the hurdles in life so much easier to face, no matter where they come from.

100 Ways to Know God Loves Me

2009-06-07T08:22:00.002-06:00

A couple months ago I came across a children's book called,

"100 Ways to Know God Loves Me." by Stephen Elkins.

Each page has a simply laid out reason. I loved this book! And realize the simple messages are for everyone. Let me share reason number one:

I know God loves me because...

"He answers my prayers."

Jeremiah was a great teacher. He taught everyone that God is a listening God. God answers big prayers and little prayers, loud prayers and soft ones. But how do I know God answers my prayers? Jeremiah 33:3 promises that God will answer EVERY prayer. God's reply may not be heard with our ears and may not be what we expect. But He will hear, and He will answer. So let's do what the Bible says. Let's pray every day. God loves to hear your voice!

The "P" Word

2009-06-04T11:01:00.006-06:00

When I was younger I had a very messy room.

I knew where everything was. It was just messy.

My mom often referred to it as my “pig-sty.” Leaving me, therefore, a pig.

My mom in her attempts to get me to clean it tried everything from bribery, threats and the occasional rewards. I even remember coming home one day to find everything I owned in trash bags in the garage. That is, everything that was not put away. Which was basically everything. This attempt only made me mad. It did not ignite the fire in me to clean everything as I’m sure my mom was hoping for.

This was the constant battle between my mom and I. We always had a third guy that started it all. My messy room. These battles continued on into my high school years. My mom would tell me I couldn’t go out with my friends until it was all put away. That only encouraged my creativity. My friends would come over and we would spend 20 minutes stuffing every bit of clothing on top of my bed where we would nicely make the bed over it. My mom knew what we were doing. But how could she argue? It was off the floor, right? She used to get so frustrated at my thinking. Why wouldn’t I just take the time to put it away? It took me the same amount of time to disguise it as it would take to put it away! Stubborness? Laziness?

Perhaps.

It wasn’t until I got to college and had a roommate who was an artist. Yes Tallulah. This is you. I am no where near the talent she is in her artwork. But I am in my desires of creativity and appreciation of art. She would tell me that a messy room was a sign of creativity.

That was it! I wasn’t a pig after all! I was creative!

And then I got married. And as I quickly discovered in my marriage, it was like there was a big, huge magnifying glass on every weakness I had! I don’t know why that is! Perhaps to help us learn more about ourselves. And this worked. I have learned more about myself. I don’t know if it is my marriage or a cause of just getting older. Or perhaps both. But the reason behind all of it came one day…around age 30 as I was anal-retentively organizing my business office space.

Perfectionism.

I am neither a messy person nor a pig. I keep a messy space, not because I am stubborn, lazy or a creative genius. I am a perfectionist. It is all or nothing. It is either picture-perfect organized or it is the opposite.

This was a major epiphany in my life.

I was so THRILLED to discover the method behind my madness!!

Now the question comes: “Is this a curse or blessing?” At times when my house is singing from cleanliness and every little thing has a home, it is a blessing indeed. And most days it is my greatest weakness and a curse indeed.

I’m sure my mom would be taken back to know the solution to our battles could have been solved by a well thought out trip to the Container Store and an investment of a few hundred dollars in some well planned and organized “homes” for my belongings.

I don’t know why my brain works this way. But it does. If it has a home, I can rest. If it doesn’t, “I will get to it.” While in the meantime the pile heaps. While I am sure there are many reasons behind this quirky trait, I have found comfort in knowing WHY I do the things I do.

I guess the next part of my life will be in discovering ways to overcome this part of me that at times can be a curse.

And while I am learning, I will repeat my motto of "It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be." Maybe one day I'll really mean it.

Topic: Overcoming Emotional Hurdles

2009-05-28T11:48:00.004-06:00

My childhood was full of tension. There were eight of us so the house was full of fighting for physical territory, emotional support, and food. Being one of the youngest I learned quickly who to avoid and who to pick on. Often I found myself enjoying the sport of a good wrestle for the couch or the beloved remote control. Quickly these friendly banters turned to rough housing, screaming matches, and yes, a quick punch to any available body part.

My mom sometimes tried to intercept such situations by saying things like "Be the bigger man!" or my personal irritant, "You can catch flies better with honey than you can with vinegar." I wish you could hear her tone...almost like sweet goodness coated around a pill of "I mean business!" These attempts worked. I never wanted to let my sweet mother down, but as I grew (well into my 20's) I started asking the question...Why would I want to catch flies anyway? There are some people I don't want in my circle of friends! I know my mom said this mantra mainly to keep peace within the household but for some reason I over-nurtured my people-pleasing seed which has the ability of overshadowing my own needs if left unchecked.

My life has become dotted with emotional hurdles. Sometimes I soar effortlessly over these lumps of anguish. Other times I'm clawing my way up, hoping for a peek at the clarity that lies beyond. More often than I'd like to admit, these hurdles stem from my old vice, people-pleasing. After each climb whether it be easy or profoundly hard, I've come to realize that I have no time or room in my life for "flies." In fact, I think it absurd to try to catch people when they don't want to be caught. My older and wiser sister once explained to me that by spending so much energy trying to please everyone, I'm really robbing those I love and need me most. I'm too concerned by what others are feeling or thinking that I've exhausted my reserve. I've nothing left for myself or those who really love me.

So now I'm more picky about with whom I share my honey. And I'm trying not to feel guilty when I spit vinegar. Life is too short to be fussing over flies anyway! I just want to spend my love and energy on those who will appreciate it most and who will lovingly give in return.

I know of so many women who struggle with pleasing everyone connected with them. It's hard to stay grounded when you depend on the approval of others. Do for yourself. Follow what makes you happy. Realize it's okay to take a different path than everyone around you; it just might make you happiest.

The "Magic Formula"

2009-05-23T10:00:00.003-06:00

I read an article from Meridian Magazine that I thought I would share.

"It is human nature to look for the Magic Formula. Most of us are on the prowl for something that will change everything, making us slimmer, happier, richer, and more effective. God has given us three keys. They change everything.

1. Vibrant faith in the Lord Jesus Christ changes our understanding of everything.

2. Repentance changes our relationships with God and His children — and prepares us for the great change!

3. The Holy Ghost teaches us truth, burns out sin, and facilitates the great change: making us new creatures in Christ.

Pres Eyring in his great General Conference talk “O Remember, Remember” offered a challenging invitation:

Tonight, and tomorrow night, you might pray and ponder, asking the questions:

Did God send a message that was just for me?

Did I see His hand in my life or the lives of my [friends and family]?

I will do that. And then I will find a way to preserve that memory for the day that I,

and those that I love, will need to remember how much God loves us and

how much we need Him. I testify that He loves us and blesses us,

more than most of us have yet recognized.

I know that is true, and it brings me joy to remember Him.

( Henry B. Eyring, “O Remember, Remember,” Ensign , Nov 2007, 66–69)

The three “simple” principles that we learned in Primary can change us in adulthood... They are principles with the power to help us deal with any challenge in mortality. We trust his never-failing goodness. We allow His peace to fill us. We turn our pains, failings, and disappointments over to Him. We welcome His counsel. We embrace His purposes. God has given us the magic formula that changes everything."

Written by H. Wallace Goddard. Author's note: This article is a revision of a talk given to a YSA gathering in American Fork on June 7, 2008. To share your ideas or read additional articles, come join us at www.drwally.org.

Why the Fight?

2009-05-18T20:21:00.002-06:00

It's been called "The Mommy Wars" and whether we think we fight in the war or not, we have all felt the effects of it.

Ever compared yourself to another woman? Ever felt doubt in your abilities? Ever felt the need to defend your choices?

I have. I have recently had to defend my choices and felt the need to educate other women about some of my beliefs. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I worry that I stepped on some toes. I won't go into details, but it has led me to contemplate why it is that we women continuously compare ourselves to others.

The truth is, no loving mother who is doing the best she can would ever make a decision to intentionally harm her or her family. So why do we judge other women who are doing what they think is right for them?

I think it's because when we see someone choosing something that we wouldn't or didn't, that that somehow makes us feel like maybe we aren't on the right path ourselves. Consider the following debates:

Homebirth vs. hospital birth.
Breastfeeding vs. formula feeding.
Stay at home mom vs. working mom.
Home schooling vs. public schooling.
No vaccines vs. full vaccinations.
Big family vs. no or few children.
Whole foods vs. fast foods.
The list could go on . . . .

It doesn't matter which side you're on, as long as you are doing the best you can and recognizing that so is most everyone else. Let's not compare ourselves to others who either live in a way we never would or appear to be doing it all better than us. Remember that some women don't necessarily have the blessings in life that enable them to make the choices they would otherwise. Don't fret about all the things you would improve if only you had more time, more money, more energy, more support, better health, less stress, etc.

Motherhood and womanhood are joyous challenges. Let's spend our energies loving our families and blessing our homes. Focus on the joy in your life. Strive to improve where you need to. Give others the benefit of the doubt.

Let's stop the fight.

It Is Enough

2009-05-18T14:52:00.000-06:00

In a week I have:
Gotten up at 5:30 every morning to make my husband breakfast before he leaves for work
Shaved and Bathed the dog
Made Two batches of cookies and a Jicama Salad for three different school events
Gone on a choir field trip with 52 ecstatic, energetic children
Gone to lunch with a friend I haven't seen for more than a half a year who needed to talk
Gone to three baseball practices...
A baseball game...
A soccer game...
A karate practice...
A guitar practice...
Spent an evening helping Webelos work on their activity badges
Finally gotten my hair done after a six month lapse, because there just wasn't time or money before now
Made cookies for the neighbor who has been helping us redo our yard
Made time for a date with my over-worked husband
Taught art classes for a full day to kids first through fourth grades
Rescued a baby bird that had fallen out of its nest
Taken the baby bird to a bird refuge
Argued with a nine year old about standing on other peoples cars, having oatmeal for breakfast four days in a row, and if she REALLY has to practice her guitar for a full half hour every single day
Dragged a seven year old around the house to show him all the deserted items he has left in every single room of the house every single day of the week...

And yet I feel like I haven't done anything because...
I have not a sink full, but a kitchen full of dirty dishes,
A mountain of laundry,
A craft room/office stuffed with a dozen piles needing to be sorted and filed or put away,
And a “to do” list as long as my arm!

But somehow when I walk by my son at the school and his eyes twinkle as he says, “Hi Mom!”
Or I wake up to my daughter's beautiful voice singing as she make me breakfast
I realize...

It is enough.

Happy Good Enough Mother's Day!

2009-05-10T18:06:00.001-06:00

Happy Mother’s Day. I know, I know...those three words can be really loaded. I promise this writing will not reflect in anyway the inside of a Hallmark card or a Sunday sermon. Both are full of such flowery assumptions and unrealistic expectations about mothers that I am always thinking, “Whose mother are they describing?” In my mind, it is a woman that does not exist without a whole lotta Zoloft.

I really like the child development theorist, Donald Winnicott. He coined the term, The Good Enough Mother, which is just that…good enough, not perfect. I can live up to that because it is real and I am human. I am a good enough mother and have come to embrace it. After 19 years of motherhood, this is what I have come to understand about the myths of the perfect mother:

I love being a mother…sometimes, and sometimes I don’t. It is HARD work. I have said on more than one occasion (usually accompanied by tears on a friends shoulder), “I don’t want to do this anymore. This is too hard.” If you have never said this, you obviously don’t have teenagers.
There is no greater job than being a mother…for some women, but not for all women. I happen to love two jobs (mother and social worker and in that order) and do them both pretty well. In fact, they compliment each other. When my life feels full and rich, it enriches my children too.
My mother is perfect—she never got angry or raised her voice. Okay, either you’re in denial or your mother was checked out! That’s not normal. Real mothers have real emotions.
My mother is always there for me—again, either you have few needs or your mother has no life. Occasionally mothers disappoint their kids just like in any other real relationship.
My mother is my best friend—this one really gets to me. My mother is my mother. She has her friends and I have mine. I don’t want to be that enmeshed with my mom. We can share a more adult relationship, but I still need her to be that wiser, older woman and not a cohort.

I am a good enough mother. I hope someday that if my daughters chose to be mothers, they’ll opt to be good enough mothers too—genuine, honest, happy, enriched, fulfilled, and generous with others and themselves. Happy Mother’s Day to all of the Good Enough Mothers.

Mojo

Motherhood

2009-05-10T06:50:00.002-06:00

I can hear the birds outside my window.
It is still dark.
As I dig deeper into my covers, I feel a small hand on my back. Soft, slow tickles up and down my shoulder blades.
I love being a mom.
He must have snuck into my bed sometime in the night. How can I resist waking up to tickles from a four year old.
I roll over.
He kisses my nose and the day starts...
This is one of my favorite memories.

My husband travels a lot. More lately than I am comfortable with. This has been one of my trials...to stay positive and pleasant when I am doing it on my own. What a hard lot in life it would be to be a single mother.
I have four kids. My oldest is six, the youngest is one. As weeks pass without relief or help, I can feel the burden growing.
Motherhood seems hard, daunting, heavy.
Recently, this is how I felt . I ached to feel the joy and the passion of being a mom again. My thoughts were filled with guilt. Once the night came, and my four little ones were tucked soundly in bed, I would miss them.
Regret.
Failure.
Why had I wished the day away.
They were growing so fast.
My prized possessions.
So sweet while they were sleeping.
I would vow to be better the next day.

Again the sun would come up.
As the tasks of the day began, and brought with them fighting and other trials, I would remember those peaceful moments at night. I could close my eyes and see them sleeping again.
Sweet faces.
Quiet breathing.

My tired heart would then be renewed with love and patience for them, just from one little memory...
A small hand tucked inside mine.
The way their faces look with watermelon juice dripping from their chins.
The first laugh...a sound remembered from heaven.
Her breath against my cheek.
Three hands clinging onto my skirt as we cross the street.
A small chest rising and falling against mine.
How he looks at me.
Finding my bed made by little hands.
Feeling tickles on my arm, and realizing she is doing it to calm me in a troubled moment.

I have been practicing this over and over again. Pulling from my reserve of favorite memories. It is working.
Heart changing.
Love filling.
Patience growing.

I love being a mom.

Too True!

2009-05-09T20:21:00.003-06:00

I realize as mothers we are all at different stages of development (and I don't just mean the kid's development!) Sometimes my most successful day includes a clean house and a shower! For others it may include finished homework or bedtime prayers. Whatever the stage, I hope we can try to not take ourselves too seriously. There is so much to be learned for both mother and child. Soon this time will be a memory; lets keep the good, learn from the mistakes and gently let the rest blow away.

Thoughts From a New Mother

2009-05-09T20:07:00.004-06:00

There is a tree across the street from my house. It is a very familiar sight for me. For years I’ve admired its beauty; how it has carried itself throughout each season with such dignity and poise. However, one morning it looked different to me. The immeasurable number of smaller branches stretched wide and mighty creating the familiar arch that would later present the brilliant leaves of spring. The tree had gotten so immense that I couldn’t help but wonder how it could hold itself up while maintaining this beautiful but heavy burden. My eyes then rested on the massive trunk. I marveled that this trunk produced the strength necessary to sustain such a large load. Suddenly I felt a strong connection to this tree. I no longer yearned for its beauty but sought its strength and maturity as it fulfilled the purpose of its creation.

Being nine months pregnant at the time I was facing the huge responsibility of motherhood. I often questioned my abilities to carry such a load. But as I pondered the maturity of the tree before me I could recall a time when it had not been so grand. It had always been beautiful but through experience, patience, and trials it had become strong and able. The perspective I have gained from this tree is nothing compared to what my mother, my sisters, and other women have taught me about being a mother.

The author William Thackeray once said, “Mother is the name for God on the lips and in the hearts of little children.” To determine what I’ve learned from my mom about being a mother would be near impossible. So much of who I am is because of her. My heart belongs with her. I am at my most vulnerable and joyous when she is near. Where she points I will go and I am grateful that she has always pointed toward God. Sometimes I look into my son’s eyes and feel a brief glimpse of my influence over him. I know he loves me and longs to hear my voice. I’ve realized that I must align myself securely on a path that is healthy both physically and spiritually for I know that he will follow.

However strong my mother’s influence, there have been others who will contribute to my role as a mother. Watching my sisters over the years with their kids has given me an understanding of basic physical and developmental needs of children. Observation has always served me well. As a child I recall watching my sisters changing diapers and feeding their children. Although the techniques have evolved over the years I remember discovering the feeling of love while caring for someone’s physical needs.

Another lesson in motherhood has been taught to me by my sister Michelle. My nieces and nephews love it when Michelle comes to town because they know they will get time and one-on-one attention while having a great time. I’ve been bowling with a two year old, hiking with an irritated teenager, and have been witness to many profound discussions over baking cookies. Michelle’s focus on the individual reminds me to take care of myself so I can enjoy each moment with my children.

My growth as a mother is greatly connected to the influence of my family, however, there have been many other women who will refine and strengthen my abilities as a mom. A quote from Sheri Dew states, “…all around us are those who need to be loved and led.” The influence of a mother is not limited to her own children. Neither is motherly influence restricted by age, situation, or marital status. Each of us has the opportunity to reach out. Being a new mom has been harder than I could ever imagine. I have truly been loved and led by so many women this past year. With empathy in their eyes I’ve been encouraged by women of all ages to “hang in there!” I’ve been given clothes, product recommendations, food, and words of wisdom. I’ve felt rallied around and supported. Truly, “the errand of angels is given to women; and this is a gift…”

Like the tree in my front yard, my branches are far reaching and will continue to grow strong and beautiful as long as my trunk is sturdy. My power and influence as a mother is greatly determined by those who have shown me how to strengthen my spirit. Through the example and love of many women in my life, I will be able to fulfill my duty as a mother for I know I will not be alone in my efforts.

In love and gratitude, I would like to say to all the women out there, “Happy Mother’s Day!” You are all incredibly loved and needed.

Let's talk about Motherhood...

2009-05-06T11:07:00.002-06:00

Topic Idea for May: Motherhood

Here are some thoughts we have in regards to this topic:

What have our mothers taught us about strengthening our roots? With so much energy spent nurturing how are we nurturing ourselves? Who nurtures us?

All women are mothers...

Woman's influence in general...

Spotlight a mother in your life!

Our Adoption Journey (part three)

2009-04-25T11:37:00.023-06:00

Part One
Part Two

PART THREE (revised)

August 2nd is an important date to us.

Rewind to 2007. This was the date we handed back baby “Faith.”

Fast forward to 2008. This marked the date we went to the temple with our two beautiful children to be acknowledged through God and sealed together as an eternal family.

(Our family is of the LDS faith. We strongly believe in the eternal nature of families. So, therefore, this date was very special and important to us).

Who would have thought that so much could happen in one year? We sure didn’t. Would we do it all again? Absolutely. Ten times over. It humbles me completely to think about how God works. And to be able to be a part of His miracles is incredible and baffles me when I sit down to really think about it. He took what was our greatest sadness and turned it into something beautiful.

I love Chinese food. Not so much for the food as for the fortune cookies. What does this random thought have to do with anything? Well, at the beginning of our journey I opened a fortune cookie that read,

“Faith is knowing there’s an ocean when all you see is a stream.”

Oh those profound fortune-cookie makers. This fortune is not just a fortune. It is the truth. How grateful and truly humbled we feel to see God’s hand in guiding us. He gave us the faith we needed. Indeed. Because in the beginning all we had to go on was the sound of a stream.

For the last few months I have written and rewritten this part of our story. “Part Three” has been really difficult to write. Mainly because I feel it isn’t mine only to share. It is now my children’s story. It is theirs’ to own.

The birth of our children accompany many emotions, extreme joy and sacredness. Because this part of our story is incredibly precious and sacred to our hearts we will share bits and pieces and allow the sacred parts to remain in our hearts.

We were there for the birth of our beautiful children. We were there. I can’t wait for the day to tell them about their birth. And be able to describe it in detail. They were uniquely special and incredible moments. On the day our children were born, we had a glimpse of heaven. Peace, love and joy are words we say so frequently. We felt the depths of these words on their births.

There was so much love between all of us present. The hand of God was over all of us, no doubt. And the feeling He leaves in His presence is peace. Soft peace.

While each birth has a different story, the powerful feelings my husband and I felt when our children took their first breaths of life, were much the same. Nothing could have prepared my heart for the amount of love that immediately took hold. I will never forget these moments in time.

I wasn’t able to feel my children in my body for nine months. But they had no doubt been growing in my heart everyday from the moment we began this journey. And there have been many special moments in my life when I have felt them so near.

I wasn’t able to experience the miracle of giving birth to my children. And yet, I will have an experience of my child’s birth that very few moms have. For my son, I got to see him come into this world. I watched as his tiny little blonde head appeared. I looked at my hubby’s face to see pride, joy and humility and tears well up in his eyes. I literally felt as though my heart was going to burst out of my chest. My baby. I was in awe. It felt as though time was standing still and I could just stare and hold my precious child forever.

I will never forget the amount of love that filled my heart when I held my wide-eyed daughter for the first time. I did not think my heart was capable of feeling more love. And in the moment she was placed in my arms, there was nothing I wouldn’t do for her.

I will also never ever forget the amount of love and raw emotion that showed in our Birthparent's eyes when they handed us our baby.

We will forever be grateful to our Birthparents for this moment. We needed them at a time they needed us. This was our miracle.

It is because of their absolute love for Champ & Lovebug that we are a family. How do you possibly thank someone for this gift? There just aren’t words or even a gift appropriate enough. We would thank them by being the best parents to our precious children. We would thank them by honoring their name in our household. Our children will always know about their merciful heart and great courage. They will always know what love each Birthparent had to offer them a life with their family. And they will always know that they were meant to be in our family. It wasn’t just ‘a’ child that we were meant to parent. It was Champ and Lovebug specifically.

This experience was far beyond us. The more we grow, the more we learn from it.

People ask me all the time about our “open adoption.” It is not something I can quickly explain. I find myself at a loss explaining this special relationship between our Birthparents and us. How do you describe a relationship you have with your father, mother, sister or grandmother? Seriously! Just try putting that into words in a paragraph or less!

There is something mysterious to those unfamiliar with open adoption. It is not co-parenting. Far from it. Our open adoption is centered around our children. They will grow up always knowing about their special history. There is no secrecy or shame involved. Our Birthparents strengthen our role as our kid’s parents. And on the flip side, our openness serves to help our Birthparents find much healing. When done in balance and through much prayer, our open adoption benefits every single one of us.

Emma says it best,

“…Instead of being your mom I am going to be “your Emma.” I will always love you and think about you, but never will I have to worry about if you’re being taken care of and that is the most comforting thing.”

There is a bond that is formed. One that is in our hearts. All of our lives were made better the moment we found one another. And everyone’s was deepened the moment the child, we have for so long been waiting for, is born. We were all answers to one another’s prayers. Our relationship is built on trust, faith, respect and love. That is the best way I can explain it.

Our children will never have a doubt who their Mommy and Daddy are. They will always know how desperately we wanted them, prayed for them and treasure them. And they will always know how much their birthparents wanted for them, prayed for them and love them always.

Our adoption agency’s website is “It’s about love.” I always thought this was a corny title. But to me now, it is a very appropriate title about adoption. It may sound cheesy, but it is true, “It is all about love!”

Our birthmom, Daphne says it perfectly:

“It’s difficult for me to put into words how lucky I feel to be a part of such an amazing miracle. Throughout each of our struggles and tears, our Heavenly Father has made something so beautiful.”

When we began this journey our mindset was on us being parents. We end this journey realizing that our journey has only just begun! We can’t help but think that our children’s mission in life began long before they were born. Our children changed so many lives for the better even before their birth. They created so much love even before they took their first few breaths of life.

They are a miracle. The story of their birth is a miracle.

We can’t imagine our life without adoption. We thank God for allowing us to be a part of such an amazing, loving and miraculous journey.

This was something so beautiful.

Good Quotes

2009-04-24T07:53:00.013-06:00

Here's an email from a friend I thought I would share:

Buckets

2009-04-22T21:39:00.005-06:00

I am overwhelmed when I think of the borrowed strength I have received throughout my life. More times than I can mention, that strength has come to me in the form of another person. And in ways that are so simple yet profoundly felt.

When I first found out my body wouldn’t carry a baby. I didn’t know of anyone who was going through what I was. Yet my dear sweet and very fertile friend offered me such strength in just crying with me. Even though she was miles and miles away, I knew her heart hurt for me and she cared and that gave me strength.

When my husband and I started our adoption process my aunt stood by us every step of the way. She was always there to offer MUCH wisdom and more peace through her words than she knows. That gave me strength.

The day we found out my mom had cancer, I came home to my empty home to hear a message on my answering machine from my best friend telling me she knew, she was sorry and she would be praying for us. I sat down and cried. In that moment I was strengthened.

And my husband. He’s my greatest strength. But that’s a whole other entry.

I could go on and on about the strength I’ve received from family, friends and even strangers. Their genuine service to me weren’t big things. None of these things required money, much time or anything extravagant. And yet I didn’t need anything more to have my heart strengthened.

My only thought as I think about all of these people who I borrowed strength from is,

if that strength is “borrowed” how am I "returning" it?

I’ve often thought of what I have to give in terms of buckets. Stay with me here. We all have our buckets. Figurative buckets. I imagine mine being full to the brim with crystal clear, clean and cold water. I give willingly and without reservation when my bucket is full. It is when it is empty and I feel depleted that I have a hard time looking for a reserve. In such moments I have found it necessary to refill my own bucket.

There is such a trend right now in society that says “take care of yourself and watch out for number one.” “You can’t help others without helping yourself first.” So I try to follow this advice. I go get an amazing massage, and pamper myself with a beautiful pedicure and manicure. This makes me feel good. I feel good the whole drive home and possibly the whole entire evening. But the next morning, I wake up and my heart still feels empty and my spirit is not replenished. While I personally love these things, they are only temporary. The result lies in this:

I simply cannot refill my bucket on my own.

So the vital question remains:

How do we refill our empty buckets?

The Lord was able to feed thousands with a few loaves of bread. And today, He still carries out miracles much like this one on our behalf.

This is where a miracle takes place.

While we step away from our emptiness and turn to care for another, we come back to find our buckets have a little water in them!

In moments of need my bucket is refilled as I genuinely give what I have. It may not be much, but it is what I have. I’ll say it again. Our buckets are refilled as we give what we have. How is this realistically possible? This statement seems so counterintuitive. Yet it is the way. There is truly something miraculous that happens when we give of ourselves.

Genuine Giving. Sometimes this may be as little as a smile. And in other times it may require much time, resources and strength. But my bucket is only filled with muddy water when I do for others with the mindset of meeting my own needs.

I remember hearing once that a gift is not a gift when there is a big fat rope of expectation attached to it. It is easy to give when my bucket is full to the brim. It is the hardest and yet most necessary when it is low and without expectation.

Give what you have. Another important aspect to refilling our buckets is to be aware what we have to give. You can’t give what you don’t have. I think sometimes our want to give far outweighs our reality. Or we think our gesture needs to be big and grand. This mindset represents the climate of our culture today. Want it now? Put it on credit. Buy now, spend later. Go big or go home.

In the scriptures The Lord has clearly said it is not necessary to "run faster than we have strength." He just asks that we give what we can.

I began writing this blog entry this morning. And now it is 9 pm. During that time, my words were tested. The last couple days I have been feeling a little blue. I don’t know why. This just happens every once in a while. I blame my hormones. I’ve been feeling that I need to replenish my bucket - it is getting low. This day I have been presented with several opportunities to give of myself. It hasn’t been much. It hasn’t been much at all. However, it did require that I forget about my messy home, getting ready and dragging my little ones with me. And when I came home, I found my bucket had been filled. I don’t know how it happened. You would think after running around crazy all day, I would be tired. But my spirit feels energized. There really is something to this.

We no doubt can discuss this topic of borrowed strength in relation to Christ. But there is just no way we can ever repay Christ for what he did for us in the garden of Gethsemane. He just asks that we mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.

The Lord doesn’t wait until my house is clean, laundry done and me to be perfectly happy and alert to help somebody else. He just asks that I do it regardless.

I know this is something I need to do a much better job of. While I may never repay my Savior for the gift He gave me, I can show my love and appreciation by giving of myself in ways I have been so blessed to receive from others. With genuine care. We are all precious to Him. His love for us is immeasurable and without conditions. I have always received help when I need it most. And the miracle of it all is that when we give what we do have, our buckets will be replenished. I don’t know how.

It just is.

Bring the Rain

2009-04-18T09:30:00.005-06:00

I just recently stumbled upon a blog of a woman that is very representative of "The Oak Tree" and borrowed strength.

This remarkable woman, Angie Smith, found out at her 20 week ultrasound that the precious baby she was carrying would not live. The baby had many lethal conditions in the womb. This woman and her husband decided to carry the baby to delivery rather than release the baby from the womb.

The day before she was scheduled for a c-section she wrote her feelings. Her words are so raw and bring tears to my eyes. In the midst of her pain and despite her yearnings and pleadings with the Lord to let her keep this baby, she experienced the hand of God.

In her April 6, 2008 blog entry titled “He” she said,

"I sat in the silence. I closed my eyes and thought about who He is to me. What He has been to me, in the bitterness and in the joy. I felt like He was beside me, waiting. And in that moment, I felt myself rest. My mind was still. All I know is that without intending to, I smiled. It was the most ridiculous thing you could ever imagine, unless you know what I know. And I hope you do.

He is Lord. Only He. Not me, not Todd, not my doctors, not my parents.

He.

We are never, ever alone. Even in the midst of our greatest pains and anguish He is right by our sides."

She went on to say,

"I want you to know, especially if you do not know the Lord, that He is real. This is not a fairy-tale coping mechanism that I rely on when I need to escape from reality. It is not something I do because it's nice to have a place to dress up for on Sunday mornings. It is my fervent prayer that somehow I can manage in this post to find a balance between not alienating people and sharing my heart. It's just that I don't know how people get through things like this without Him. I can barely choose stuffed animals without having a heart attack, and today, because of Christ, I am filled with peace. I pray the same for each of you as you walk through your own life."

Her touching words in a letter to her precious daughter who lived only but 2 ½ hours reads:

"Lord, you have shown me that when this life is empty, you will fill. You have walked with us in a way we could never have imagined. What seemed like a cross to bear has now taken the shape of a great blessing which we are honored to have been a part of. Thank you, Lord. You are the light of our lives, now and forever."

I am so inspired by her faith in the midst of her pain. I’m also grateful for her sharing her journey. Her blog entry from one year after her daughter’s passing says,

"There is such a difference between religion and relationship. I could not have survived without the latter, I assure you."

While we may have different religious beliefs, we share a common thread. Jesus Christ. He lives. He is real. And He is always right by our side. He is true peace. He is love. And this true peace is never felt as strongly, calmly and surely than when we involve him in our hour of great need. In our times of sadness, loneliness and confusion. He is always there.

I too, am very grateful for His hand in my life. He is my borrowed strength. May He always be.

To read more of her blog, visit….

www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com

For Me Alone

2009-04-15T15:46:00.005-06:00

"What man of you having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them,
doth not leave the ninety and nine, and go into the wilderness
after that which is lost, until he find it?" (Luke 15:4 JST)

"The irony of the Atonement is that it is infinite and eternal,
yet it is applied individually, one person at a time." (M. Russell Ballard)

I really appreciate the video Lil Acorn posted. This Easter I've really been thinking about the ability God has to succor his children when they are in need. On Sunday a friend of mine sang the most amazing *song in church about His love for each of his children. I couldn't hold my emotions back and unfortunately I was singing in the choir. Well, I was sitting there crying while the rest of the choir was singing. And believe me people noticed! I was just so overwhelmed at His love for me. It was a very tender moment when I could thank Him in my heart for all the times I've felt peace after my moments of despair. He's never let me down; He's always comforted me, He's always helped me solve the problem, He's always led me through the hard times. I'm learning to trust in Him. When I don't, things start to fall apart, yet I know he'll be there to help me pick up the pieces and try again.

I'm so happy with my relationship with my Savior. It's my most treasured relationship. I may stray but I know He's there with steady arms waiting my return. Nothing means more to me than that knowledge.

*But if I alone had stumbled; if I alone had strayed
If I alone had wandered from the straight and narrow way
If I alone bore guilt for which my all could never atone
He would have come for me
For me alone

For love of all God's children Christ redeemed us from the fall
His mercy without measure is sufficient for us all

But if I alone had stumbled; if I alone had strayed
If I alone had wandered from the straight and narrow way
If I alone were foolish; if I alone were frail
If I alone had faltered when the power of hell assailed
If I alone bore guilt for which my all could never atone
He would have come for me
For me alone

We Are Never Alone

2009-04-14T21:03:00.012-06:00

I love this time of season and hearing people talk about Holy Week and the resurrection. I wanted to keep it going a little bit more. One thing I heard someone say at church on Sunday was that we could have Easter everyday. I really liked that and have decided that I am going to try to have Easter everyday. Because I love the message of Easter I wanted to share this video because it really touched my heart:

One thing that touched me was the fact that at the time when he was suffering the most the Savior had to bring about our salvation on his own. As stated in the video the supporting circle around the Savior got smaller and smaller until he was left on his own to continue his journey back to his Father without comfort or companionship. And to think, he did that for me without complaint. I cannot count the number of times I've grumbled and complained as I've experienced life's little setbacks. Heck, there have been times when I've grumbled just because it was Sunday and I had to go to church.

But what this video really made me think about was that unlike the Savior, I will never be left to journey through life's trials and tribulations alone. Think of it - We are never alone..... ever! That thought made me really stop and think! I will never be asked to pass through a trial by myself. A loving and merciful God has surrounded me with people from whom I can borrow strength and find comfort. I will never be alone. Sometimes the strength and comfort comes directly to us from God. But in my life I have found that more often than not that comfort and strength comes from other people that God has placed in my life.

There have been many times in my life when I have relied on other people's strength. I have a dear friend that I know I can turn to when I am facing a specific trial. She's been through it, she understands exactly how I'm feeling and she is able to share her strength with me until my strength is sufficient to carry me through. I always know that when I get off the phone with her I will feel stronger - I consider it my personal "spiritual steroid shot". No matter how alone you feel at times in your journey, always remember that you are never alone....ever.

Son of Man project

2009-04-13T11:31:00.004-06:00

This special Easter video is given by Kenneth Cope and Liz Lemon Swindle.

It is really hard to imagine how much our Savior endured for us. From the moment He was born until today. Since I am a new mommy, I often think about Mary as I am holding my little ones. She knew she had a special child. How much she loved Him and how excruciating it must have been for her to witness His pain and suffering even on the cross. This artist's depiction of Mary holding Jesus as a baby is very touching and brings tears to my eyes as I contemplate His life and the sacrifices His mother, Mary, made as well.

I LOVE Liz Lemon's depictions of the Savior's ministry. She is an amazing artist. Emotion can be such a hard thing to describe let alone draw. She has an incredible way of depicting raw emotion in her artwork. She has compiled a few of her pieces with the music of Kenneth Cope and has given this video as a gift for us to share.

Holy Week

2009-04-07T11:04:00.007-06:00

This next weekend is Easter. What better than to dedicate this week's topic to the last week of our Savior's ministry on earth. Holy Week.

The atonement and resurrection of Christ is a topic that seems so far beyond me. While the details and circumstances I don't understand fully, I do know the feelings that come over me when I pray. I do know the peace that envelopes my heart. This peace can come to my soul from no other source than when I study the scriptures and am involved in prayer.

Because of these strong feelings, I know He lives.

And because I know He lives, I know He was resurrected.

The details of Holy Week begin in John 11:55 to John 21. And continue through Matthew 21-28, Mark 11-16 and Luke 19-24.

Why was the atonement necessary? What physical pain did our Lord endure? What emotional and spiritual strains were caused him? Who were his greatest supporters? Who was against Him? And, if I were alive then, would I have followed Him?

Like Children

2009-04-02T13:08:00.005-06:00

"...verily I say unto you, except ye be converted,

and become as little children,

ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven."

Matthew 18:3 (KJV)

On average children laugh 400 times a day, while adults laugh about 15 times.

Perhaps we have much to learn from children. Us adults think we are the teachers. When in all reality, we could learn a lot from the children around us about the simple truths in our lives. Incorporating humor and laughter into our lives is one. An important one. A funny one. And one that has the power to "reduce stress, fear, intimidation, embarrassment and anger."

"Laughter also has healing power. When a person laughs, blood pressure decreases, heart rate and respiration increase, the body releases endorphins and depression declines. After the laughter subsides and you relax again, that good feeling has a lasting effect, even until the next day. Not many medicines will do that."

"As we grow older, we get far too serious. Watch children play. They don't need expensive toys to entertain them. Everything is fun. They are spontaneous... Humor is the way we see things, the way we think. It's an attitude not an event."

"Perhaps the key lies in becoming more childlike."

This info was taken from an article called "The Power of Laughter" by Gary Palmer.

One of my favorites

2009-04-01T14:28:00.003-06:00

This always makes me chuckle! Enjoy!

The Greatest Thing I Learned in College....To Laugh!

2009-04-01T10:34:00.023-06:00

I'm pretty stoked about this week's theme...and I'm glad we've decided to do the themes by week instead of by month!

Laughter is one of my favorite activities yet I can find myself going weeks and months without a good belly-laugh! How tragic! Oh, I generously give out plenty of courtesy laughs and I often find things amusing. But that deep, heartfelt bellow that reaches your toes and leaving your abs fatigued...Nope, I don't get that as often as I'd like. For me, certain people can really bring out my belly laugh. Fortunately for me I roomed with some of the funniest girls during my college years. Or maybe it was the unique combination of our personalities plus the fact that none of us were interested in dating or dieting. We had a blast! I have never laughed so hard, so much on a regular basis. Maybe this drought has something to do with my bountiful years at college.

Looking back, I remember how serious I was as a freshman. I had just lost my step-dad to cancer that summer previous. I was full of trepidation and worry, always taking each step and decision with caution. I had roomed with a friend from high school who was quickly swept away by her boyfriend and was married within the year. I dated my neighbor which didn't feel like a mistake until we broke up and I couldn't avoid seeing him! Anyway, freshman year...not so fun. The one highlight was meeting and befriending our own Mamma Mia which led to 3 more years of pranks, discussions, laughing over a pan of hot brownies, and Sunday night lipsyncs. Boyfriends and fights were minimal. Life was unusually carefree and I owe it all to a group of girls that helped me understand the value of a good laugh.

As we started to seperate either by missions, marriage, or graduation, we did lose some contact.
I think we all started getting busy with husbands (no pun intended), school, careers, etc. And some of us started to feel the wear and tear of life. For myself, I went on a mission, met and married my sweetheart, and wanted so much to start a family but found it difficult to get pregnant. I just forgot how to not take life so seriously. At the time it seemed like every girl around me was getting pregnant! It was incredibly hard for me to be happy for them, which made me feel awful. We tried to be positive saying
things like "We'll be glad that we had this time together..." or "At least we spend money on ourselves and travel; we aren't tied down." We even got a bunny rabbit to nurture and fuss over. It was a lonely time but necessary for us. I wouldn't do it any other way.

Anyway, it was at about this time that Mamma Mia was coming to Utah for a visit as well as another roommate of ours. We met in Salt Lake, went to dinner, stayed in a hotel room, talked and laughed all night. At the time I had no idea Mamma Mia was in the middle of adoption. She was the first of us to have a real struggle (or at least the first to admit it). I was so blown away. I hadn't seen her for years and I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. It wasn't so much that she had gone through this terrible time, but that I didn't know about it! That sounds selfish, but I felt so sorry that we hadn't kept in touch. I dearly love these girls and it's awful when one of us is hurting! After our visit, I vowed I would keep in touch, and not let years pass by without contact.

Slowly, we've all come in regular contact again. I've heard many times that sooner or later you want your friends back in your life. I'm beginning to understand this observation. The greatest thing I did learn in college is how to laugh. And I say this because now is the time that I need to laugh. I find myself reflecting on all those silly pranks I pulled with Mamma Mia (and how I was the one always to get caught!), the crazy lipsyncs, and the times we drew mustaches on DJ when she'd fall asleep early. It gives me the energy and motivation I need to create fun new memories with my family. Because life isn't always about a clean house and a well-kept yard. It's about dancing in the kitchen to music that makes you feel alive!! It's about being there for your friends when they need you and leaning on your friends when you need them. And it's about laughing so hard your stomach aches!

To Laugh or Not to Laugh...That is the Question!

2009-04-01T08:46:00.005-06:00

Happy April Fools!

I love this day. And when I really think about why - it is not so much the prank part as it is the not taking ourselves so seriously part.

How many times do frustrating things happen to us? On a daily basis at times! If it is really true that laughter is the best medicine, the trick lies in turning our frustration into something to laugh about. And let's be honest, when we are in the moment, this can be a hard thing to do.

I can see I haven't been doing a great job at finding the humor in my life. I am hurting my brain at the moment trying to recall an experience where I could have been upset, but instead chose to flip it on it's head and laugh! This will be my goal this April Fools. Rather than concentrating my efforts on making a prank, I am going to find a situation to find humor rather than frustration. I'll report back.

"It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor."

-Max Eastman

"Humor is the great thing, the saving thing.

The minute it crops up,

all our irritation and resentments slip away,

and a sunny spirit takes their place."

-Mark Twain

April Fools Prank Ideas

2009-03-31T09:15:00.013-06:00

April Fools is tomorrow?!! What are you planning?

April Fools used to be one of my FAVORITE times of the year! What could be better than an entire day devoted to playing jokes....and it being acceptable!! I'm sad to say that while I can joke with the best of them, I have not done ONE April Fool's joke for the last 5 years. Yes, it is true and breaks my heart to say. So this year, I have some making up to do. Oh, my poor family. Here are my top 10 April Fools Ideas:

1. Pranks with FOOD - "Fauxberry" Pie. This delicious looking pie is actually meat and potatoes! Ever took a big swig of water to discover it is sprite?! I can imagine that is what taking a big bite of this pie is like. The recipe can be found on jas.familyfun.go.com

2. Toilet Tricks!

We've all heard about putting cellophane on the toilet (eewww) or jello setup in the toilet (boring)(Tallulah, remember Pistachio?) (Lizzie, remember jello on my towel?)

But...what about ICEE HOT on the seat?!

Watch after they leave the bathroom and their reaction as their bottom starts burning! This one cracked me up. (no pun intended). I think I'm going to do this one! Sorry, Hubby. (I wonder if this is my husbands least favorite day of the year). I found this one at april-fools.us

3. At WORK

Try sticking a plastic rat or snake or spider inside the paper tray of your office's copy machine.

Be sure to take out the paper so the unsuspecting person has to pull it out. And don't worry about going too far because their screams will reach you wherever you are and are sure to make you giggle.

Wow! this one from aprilfoolsdayprank.com is impressive!

4. Marker Facelift. Of course there is always the giving the sleeping person a mustache or cat whiskers to wake up to! Just might want to steer away from the permanent markers (ask my brother)!

5. Freezer Cereal. Put half a bowl of cereal and milk in the freezer the night before. In the morning, volunteer to prepare the breakfast for everybody and put more cereal and milk in the frozen bowl. Watch adults and children trying to eat it. This one was found at www.thefoolsday.com

6. Fake Poop. Of course, there is always the good assortment of fake poop products. What is it about fake poop that makes people laugh? I don't get it. Thought I would post though. Okay, I lied. I'm just trying to sound above this stuff. Makes me laugh every time.

7. Tape your coworkers cell phone underneath their chair. And then start calling them. Got this from aprilfools.com This reminds me of "The Office" episode when Dwight's cell phone is hidden in the ceiling. Classic.

8. Soundboards are a funny way to prank call one of your loved ones. Here are a few great links to famous movie actors and their one liners. Just put your phone up to the computer and click away at your responses!

soundboardarchive.com

Chris Farley & Others

I can remember my brother doing this to my mom with the ever so popular Chris Farley "Why don't you shut your yapper?!!!" We still laugh about this one today!

9. Balloon Trick. This is a cute prank. Especially for kids! This one was once again taken from familyfun.go.com.

To plant the prank, blow up three balloons and wind their tails together (don't knot them). Seal the tails in an entryway by placing them over the top of the door and closing it tight. When your target makes his entrance, the balloons will go flying out in front of him.

10. Lifesaver Shower Trick. Before one of your family members takes shower, remove the shower head and place a life-saver candy in it, replace the shower head with the candy now trapped in it. When the person takes a shower he or she will not notice, until they get out and start to dry off the towel will stick to them they will get back in the shower to rinse off... works like a charm. Just don't forget to clean it before you get in! This one comes from Indianapolis.momslikeme

Is Laughter the Best Medicine?

2009-03-30T18:34:00.007-06:00

I am officially declaring this week:

Laughter week!

Ha HA Ha Ha

And right in time for April Fool's Day! Laughter has been shown to lower heart disease, increase hope and reduce stress.

But what about a sense of humor in a friendship or close relationship? Many of my personal friendships have been bonded due to a shared sense of humor and laughs between the two of us. I don't know how many times my spirits have been lifted just by laughing with a friend.

This week's topic brings to mind many questions. What are things that just make you laugh thinking about them? What are some fun practical jokes? Who do you know who has a gift of humor? Why is laughter good for the soul? Does God have a sense of humor? (Be careful, the answer could be humorous)! And am I allowing room for fun and laughs in my life?

And yes, the picture is of my lil' daughter, Lovebug. She laughs with every ounce of energy in her little body!

The Love Dare

2009-03-27T15:10:00.021-06:00

"Love is a decision and not just a feeling."

Just recently I sat down to watch the movie "Fireproof." I was so moved, not by the acting necessarily ;) - but by the message this movie offered.

It has been a long time since I walked away from a movie wanting to change something in my life for the better. This movie did just that.

While this movie is centered around a marriage relationship, the "Love Dare" concepts could really be applied to any important relationship. And quite honestly, a relationship doesn't need to be in "turmoil" to benefit from this read!

For the next 40 days

I will be adding a new sidebar (to the right) titled

"The Love Dare."

Everyday will include a new dare

from the book, "The Love Dare."

The Love Dare serves to strengthen our relationships' by choosing how to treat those special to us. It isn't about changing the other person! It is about allowing God to open and change our own heart.

The first page of the book states,

"Receive this as a warning.

This forty day journey cannot

be taken lightly.

It is challenging and often

difficult process, but an incredibly

fulfilling one. To take this dare

requires a resolute mind and a

steadfast determination.

It is not meant to be sampled or briefly

tested, and those who quit early will

forfeit the greatest benefits. If you

will commit to a day at a time for forty

days, the results could change your

life and your marriage.

Consider it a dare, from others

who have done it before you."

And by the way, is it just me or does Kirk Cameron look as those he hasn't aged a bit?! But that's another topic for another day. LOL!

Stand Strong

2009-03-25T13:34:00.009-06:00

After reading the poem "The Oak Tree" I immediately thought of an article by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin entitled "Deep Roots". In the article he talks about a time when he and his wife were visiting one of the islands in Hawaii. While there they passed two very large trees that had been uprooted and blown over by strong winds. He said that as he looked at those trees he wondered if they might have survived the winds and storms if their roots had been deeper. I loved his comparison of the beautiful palm trees and the might oak trees. Palm trees are beautiful to look at, but when the strong winds come along these trees are easily swayed and if the wind is strong enough, they can be easily uprooted and blown over. In contrast, the mighty oak tree, no matter how severe the storm and how strong the wind, the oak tree will continue to stand tall - branches may break and the tree may be stripped of it's leaves, but through it all it will continue to stand tall. He also pointed out an interesting fact, of which I was unaware, that the roots of an oak tree can extend down into the ground up to two and one-half times their height. Now that, my friends, is a deeply rooted tree.

Now the question for each of us is -- how deeply rooted are your values? Do you let yourself be blown to-and-fro with what is popular at the time? Or do you stand for what you believe in? I think that what we stand for defines who we truly are. What we do in private when no one is looking, defines the type of person we are. I truly believe that one way we can influence this world for good is through our example. By defining ourselves by our values and beliefs and then sharing those values and beliefs with others through our example we can influence others for good. Do not waiver, do not lower your standards to fit in or to be popular - raise your standards so that you can raise those around you.

Several years ago an odd, yet interesting thing happened. I was teaching an early morning class for the youth of the church. Each morning I and several other women would arrive at church and go to our separate classrooms and teach. We had to be dressed in Sunday dress. Because the mornings were chilly and because I went to work immediately afterwards I wanted to be comfortable so I started wearing my Dansko's (my favorite brand of shoe of all time, and trust me - I know shoes) with opaque tights. I liked the look and it was comfortable and warm. A few months later my teaching partner shows up in opaque tights and clogs. She laughed about it and said she decided to copy me. Well, shortly after she began imitating me I noticed several other ladies were following suit and wearing clogs with opaque tights! Now, I'm not telling you this to say that I am a fashion icon and trendsetter - I'm telling you this because it really made me think. It was on of those "ah ha" moments that made me realize that people really do take notice of what we do and may follow our example. I thought that if these women were influenced by such a small and insignificant thing, how do my bigger and more significant actions affect and influence others. With roots deeply planted I can withstand the winds of change and stand strong for what I believe and be a positive influence for those around me. I will live a life consistent with my values and beliefs.

You never know who is watching you and who you are influencing - your neighbors, your children, your spouse, your friends, and even strangers. If your roots are not deeply planted and you begin to compromise your principles in favor of something that is a popular fad - people will notice. We need to stand tall and resist the winds of temptation that are blowing in our world today. We need to stand strong for that which we know to be right. We need to stand strong and set a positive example for our children and youth of today. We need to stand strong through adversity. We need stand strong with each other. In a world of ever changing values and moral decay - we need to build a forest of strong oaks that will protect our families and youth from the storms to come.

I was up until 2am reading about this...

2009-03-25T07:41:00.007-06:00

I was up until 2 am last night.

Why?

I somehow got connected with this blog and began reading and reading and reading:

Perhaps if I lived in Utah I would have heard this story. But I haven't. And I was so touched. This blog is about a young woman by the name of Stephanie. Her blogging name is "Nie Nie." Stephanie and her husband were involved in a near fatal airplane crash. How they survived is a miracle. The strength that she exhibits is inspiring. The strength her family has given her is beyond words.

This young woman and her family ARE the Oak Tree!!

I ended reading with her yesterday's post. I cried. I was so moved. I want to be a better person after reading her blog. I want to be a better mother. I think tomorrow, I'll hug my kids a little bit more. I think I'll make breakfast for my sweet husband. I think I will be more grateful in my prayers. And my prayers? I think I'll be having more.

There was a point in her blog when she describes mildly how much pain she feels during the night. And yet after looking at her unrecognizable face in the mirror her one desire is around wanting to fix dinner for her family. The love that is so evident between her husband and children moved me to tears.

I need to be more grateful in my life.

I don't know why this particular entry touched me so. Perhaps it was the frozen chicken nuggets I quickly threw in the microwave to feed my kids without a moments thought. Or perhaps it was the way I sat on the couch too tired to tell my husband I love him and resenting having to cook when I was "so" tired! And really it has less to do with dinner than with the love that is behind wanting to serve my family. Even in as little as something as a daily meal.

But I wasn't tired enough to check my email. Which I somehow started reading with her sister's blog (cjanerun). CJane took in Stephanie's 4 children while nursing a newborn baby of her own. Her sister has a gift with words. She has written about Stephanie's recovery. This is where I began my late night reading at:

CJanerun August 2008

I am so inspired by the strength that took and is taking place between not only this amazing young woman but those of her family and people all over the world.

I'm grateful they shared their journey. I am a better person from hearing about it. My prayers go out to them.

Now, tonight? I think I'll be fixing dinner for my precious family.

Thanks Nie Nie and God continue to strengthen and bless you and your loved ones.

Becoming My Own Tree

2009-03-22T21:35:00.001-06:00

I’ve thought a lot about how I wanted to talk about the Oak Tree poem and what thoughts came to mind while reading it. It’s just taken a long time to actually start typing it.
My sister that is just two years older than me wrote a paper for one of her English classes in college that had to be about a struggle that she had gone through. She started out the paper with this sentence, “I learned about paying a mortgage when I was 14 years old.” I remember when she had me read that paper after she had turned it in. We sat and had a good cry together talking about the struggles of our teenage years.
The “mighty wind” that blew my family tree for most of my junior and high school years was one of financial stress and uncertainty. My father’s lifelong dream was to start his own company. After years of success working under “the man” he decided to give it a shot. I was almost eleven when he went out on his own. Unfortunately, that year was the last year that my family had any financial security. My parents did their best to shield us from the wind, but we suffered as a family and learned to each carry some of the load. There were many times that my babysitting money would go towards things we needed as a family, like groceries and bills. We never went without the major necessities such as food and shelter, but I spent those years keenly aware of the ever present wind. I was afraid of that wind. It scared me to think of what it could do to us if it didn’t stop blowing. There were small periods of reprieve, but the wind would always come back. I wish I could say that it finally stopped blowing, but I think my parents are just used to it now. Almost like it would be too quiet if the wind was to cease and they wouldn’t know what to do with the silence.
As I went away to college I didn’t notice the wind as much because I wasn’t home to feel it all the time. It was still there, but I was becoming my own tree. It was only after I graduated and started my career that I started to grasp what I had learned because of all the years of facing the wind. Sure, I knew how to save, make wise financial decisions, and take care of myself. But the most important thing those windy years taught me was the strength that came from my family tree working together. Facing the wind together made it seem a lot less daunting, a lot less scary.
Last year about this time, the wind picked up in my little family tree. As I sat on the couch holding one of our month old babies, my husband came home early from work one Friday afternoon, too early. As he walked in I was surprised to see him, but happy. He stopped me before I could get too excited that he was home early and told me that all but a handful of employees had been let go that day. The company had essentially folded. This was before we really knew how bad the economy was going to get and we felt so alone in our struggle. At first we were hopeful that this would be a good change for us. But as weeks stretched into months I began to curse the wind. Why? I seriously would have welcomed a different wind in my life. It’s different facing the wind as one of the main trunks. I have a new found respect for my parents. I never realized how much wind they did block from touching us. It’s scarier. It requires more faith and trust. But, I turned to the lessons that I had learned from my other family tree, the lessons that became the roots for my own family tree. We face the wind together. I know from years of experience that this wind can’t knock my family tree down.

Messy Room - Shel Silverstein

2009-03-21T11:38:00.001-06:00

This poem was always one of my favorites! And describes the state of the room i am about to clean!

Messy Room by Shel Silverstein

Whosever room this is should be ashamed!
His underwear is hanging on the lamp.
His raincoat is there in the overstuffed chair,
And the chair is becoming quite mucky and damp.
His workbook is wedged in the window,
His sweater's been thrown on the floor.
His scarf and one ski are beneath the TV,
And his pants have been carelessly hung on the door.
His books are all jammed in the closet,
His vest has been left in the hall.
A lizard named Ed is asleep in his bed,
And his smelly old sock has been stuck to the wall.
Whosever room this is should be ashamed!
Donald or Robert or Willie or--
Huh? You say it's mine? Oh, dear,
I knew it looked familiar!

2009-03-19T22:21:00.003-06:00

At bottom every man knows well enough that he is a unique being, only once on this earth; and by no extraordinary chance will such a marvelously picturesque piece of diversity in unity as he is, ever be put together a second time.

~Friedrich Nietzsche

Naked

2009-03-17T15:22:00.006-06:00

“It stole the oak tree’s leaves away.”

Does this mean the tree was naked?

I imagine the leaves on the tree were much like clothing. Every season the tree gets a new wardrobe! And yet in the cold of winter it is stripped of all its leaves and left bare.

Now, I don’t know about you but I HATE even wearing a swimsuit around other people. I can’t imagine standing around others while being buck naked!! And yet if I compare myself to the Oak, that is what I would be! How vulnerable I would feel. My first instinct would probably be to curl up in a ball! Or, perhaps turn around and run!!! But despite these feelings, the Oak stands its ground.

Sometimes the wind strips us naked (so to speak). I find it very interesting that in these moments of vulnerability, I am most teachable.

I also greatly learn from others who share of these moments in their life. Perhaps I will be able to endure something ahead because of strength I have gained from someone else who was willing to share their vulnerability and the teachable moment that was a result.

Or, perhaps I would be able to make a wiser choice and if possible avoid an avoidable circumstance. And even more, perhaps I would feel like I am not alone in my nakedness.

This is the beauty of sharing our “Oak Tree” experiences. I appreciate all who have so personally and tenderly shared a part of your soul. While we aren’t always able to express the degree it has helped, rest assured your words (however put) have touched others hearts.

"Celebrating You".... all of it!

2009-03-14T13:37:00.004-06:00

Celebrating you.

When I think about this topic I think about embracing who we are deep down. Underneath it all. I can’t help but think back to how this topic so affected me recently.

Almost exactly two years ago today, my husband and I were sitting in a sterile doctor’s office. My world came crashing in as we sat across from the doctor who proceeded to tell me that I would never be a mother.

Ever since I can remember, I have always had a strong desire to one day become a mother. I have much ambition for the other areas of my life, but in the back of my mind I was always preparing for my future calling as a mother.

It felt at this time that everyone and their dogs were pregnant. I even heard on the news of a man getting pregnant!! (back to the topic though). I couldn’t go to the mall during the day because the sight of so many mothers pushing their precious babies in strollers made me so sad. Going to church, in a church that so heavily talks about families, was a very difficult thing. So many conversations revolved around motherhood, pregnancy and how tiring raising children can be.

All the while, dealing with this crushed dream I had in my head of me one day being able to have what appeared everyone else around me was having.

I longed for conversation that involved ideas, topics, politics, hobbies, jobs…anything but motherhood!

In the depths of my sorrow I felt I couldn’t go forward with my life with the thought that I would never be a mother. This is what I was born to do and I definitely couldn’t picture a future without this possibility in it. I was forced to ask myself the question

“Who am I and what worth am I in this life?”

As I began to ponder this question in my heart, I began to realize that infertility wasn’t me. It was something my body was experiencing. And I love my body. Hips and all. ;)

Who I am is something far beyond my biology. The term “Child of God” took on a whole new depth. It was no longer just a primary song that had very little meaning. To me, it began to mean everything.

I am my Father’s daughter. He made me. For this alone I am someone special. My spirit has so much to offer. Yet if I focused on what I didn’t have in the flesh and compared myself to what appeared to me everyone else had - I was going to be a very sad person. And, most likely I wouldn’t discover or become the person my Father is molding me into.

Something changed in me when I began to fully embrace this. Instead of shrinking away from the “mother” conversations, I started to participate. Only, I would share my experience of not being able to bear children. I started sharing my story more and more and walking with as much dignity and grace as I could muster. The more I would share, the stronger I would feel.

Amongst my growing strength was my willingness to show my vulnerability. I just never wanted to pretend. And to this day if I’m having a bad day, I go ahead and have a bad day! If I treated my infertility as a great secret that would mean there was shame involved. And I didn’t feel shameful. I am a daughter of God after all. Where is the shame in that? The last thing I wanted from anyone was pity. And the only way for me to feel strong was to act it.

I also started to become more aware of others’ struggles around me. Whenever my burden started to feel bigger than me, without fail I would be driving in my car and see someone in a wheelchair on the side of the road who didn’t have legs. Or, I would hear about a woman helping her child through a drug addiction. This life was more than just what was happening to me. So many others were facing mountains in their life too. Mountains I wouldn’t trade mine for! But mountains that were very real and just as important. I began to feel grateful. I began to cling to the strength I got from reading the scriptures. And the undeniable peace I felt through prayer.

A great strength began to build within me as I did this. I wasn’t going to let my infertility define me. I was going to embrace it. I felt with all my heart the love that I know God has for every single one of us. I don’t have to be perfect to receive it either. Christ’s atonement applied to me and on a whole other level. I felt His comforting hand. And many times I felt my burden being completely lifted. That was a reason for His atonement and I could literally feel Him bearing my burden. Until this moment I hadn’t realized that I mattered so much. What love filled my soul.

There are times that my infertility hits me like a ton of bricks. And it usually comes so unexpectedly. But it does come and go and I expect that it will be something that I am always going to deal with. The one thing I have learned through all of this is who I truly am. And, I am a work in progress! But, beneath it all, I am my Father’s daughter. I love Him and I am so grateful for my life, imperfect body and all.

Last night I held both of my one-year-old babies in my arms. For a good five minutes they just lay there cuddling with me. How truly blessed I feel to be called “mother” to my two special children. Tears filled my eyes as I thought back to where I was two years ago, or even a year ago. I closed my eyes. Said a prayer. I thanked God for my babies. And, I thanked God for my infertility.

Having a Clear Vision of Yourself

2009-03-11T12:09:00.003-06:00

Last night I attended a meeting for my church. There was a guest speaker who has had this rather remarkable list of challenges throughout her life. Without going into much detail, one of these trials would easily blow me down. Yet she stood in front of us with such confidence that I couldn't help but think "how is she getting on so well?"

She claimed to be blessed with the gift of joy. When people are described as "joyous despite their trials" my cynical, less tactful side registers "yea right, faker!" I did not get a typical "joyous" vibe from this woman. Don't get me wrong, she had energy, told some well-rehearsed anecdotes, but I could tell her laundry list of trials still wore on her. She later admitted that she no longer did these speeches but felt that she wanted to be with us last night. She'd been going through a tough time with a grand daughter who was born with 5 major heart problems. The baby is 5 months old now and is doing well.

I could tell the presentation was well scripted with bullet points and a power point presentation on "How To Stay Positive!" What I appreciated about this woman was not her presentation but her candor when talking about what was going on now. After a hardship I feel you truly can delight in the person you've become. But there is a certain beauty that comes to a person when they're sharing a hardship they are experiencing right now. This woman who has had so much adversity, who had achieved so much genuine joy in her life was still having to endure trials.

She talked a lot about leadership; being a personal mentor to someone. Leading someone in a positive direction. She strongly urged the fact that to become this leader and mentor you need to have a clear vision of who you are. This struck me. I'm definitely not a big self-help person. I enjoy improving myself but it irritates me when someone thinks they are the ones to tell me how to improve myself! Because of her genuine nature, I really took to this idea presented by this woman. I'm still thinking about what my vision is for myself and how this could benefit my life.

Once you have this vision you need to stay focused.

Okay, I'm a daydreamer, a wishful thinker, a dawdler, etc. I could visualize me in all sorts of scenarios! I think my problem is that I'm visioning myself as someone I am not. To really create a vision for myself I need to first find out about myself and accept who I am. This maybe incredibly easy for some because they know who they are. I struggle with this. Sometimes I'm too dependent on other people's views of me. I let others define me. For example, when I was 12 someone once told me that I was a very accepting person. I had no idea what that meant but for years I told myself (and others) that I was accepting. I just found it easier to go on what others thought of me...Thus illustrating my accepting nature! (ha, ha...cyber laughing is awkward, isn't it?)

Going on...
The speaker suggested the dangers of losing focus of our vision. She encouraged us not to let the opinions of others get in the way.

Yikes! My vision is so in trouble! Leaving this meeting I knew what I need to work on. St. Francis de Sales once said, "Do not wish to be anything but what you are--and try to be that perfectly." I try to keep the spirit of that quote with me always. But it's a process for me.

Why is it so important for us to understand and accept who we are? Why would it be a good idea to spend some time developing a vision for ourselves? I just keep thinking about that laundry list of trials that this woman has been through. Without a clear vision of who we are how can we stay deeply rooted when the winds blow? Do we even stand a chance?

I know I'm not perfect in this area, and maybe I do depend on others sometimes when I just don't know who I am anymore. Luckily,...actually By divine design, I've been blessed with amazing people in my life who hold me up when my focus is gone. Because of the support system I so often use and depend on, I can't help but wonder that God really does know who I am and will help me on this road to self-discovery and acceptance. He knows that I need true friendships and that I can be a true friend to others. I know that he knows me. I know that he knows you. We really can lead each other into positive directions. Especially when it gets hard to walk alone.

Mamma Mia's Adoption Story

2009-03-11T11:36:00.004-06:00

I was surprised to open up our blog and see that my adoption story was being featured on one of my favorite adoption blogs. Thought I would share!

The site is called Because Adoption Matters. It has stories from not only adoptive parents but also soon-to-be adoptive parents, BirthParents and Adoptees. There is so much strength to be found in reading others' experiences. I love what this blog stands for. Just thought I would share!

Click Here for the link to my family's story!

Meet Tulip

2009-03-09T12:58:00.001-06:00

First of all, why Tulip? The answer is not really that complicated. I love tulips. They’re easy to plant, don’t require watering or really anything at all. I don’t think my husband has ever bought me roses because he knows I don’t like them. I think roses are pretentious. Sorry to all you rose lovers out there. But tulips are simple, classic and a sign of warmer days to come.
That being said, I’m not claiming to be simple, classic and a sign of warmer days to come. I try to be simple, and stick to the basics. Maybe my name should be “Aspiring Tulip.” But that’s too long. Tulip will have to do.
So, I’m just your average girl. I have blonde hair (if you count help from highlights). I’m average height and average weight. I have a husband and two kids and drive a small SUV with aspirations to move up to that Honda Odyssey with kid #3.
But there are a few things that make me a little bit unique and hopefully more interesting to read about.
- I grew up in a family of women and now find myself seriously outnumbered by boys. I still don’t get them.
- I only knew what it was like to have one kid for 2 minutes.
- I am a stay at home mom who works almost full-time and *gasp* likes it. I work in an industry that I believe in and feel incredibly grateful to be a part of. I know what we are doing will actually help everyone who comes in contact with our products and that is very satisfying.
- Per the bullet point above, I have an incredibly fragmented brain beyond just the normal fragmentation that comes from multi-tasking.
- I will never own a pet and I’m okay with that. My husband is allergic to most of them and frankly, I don’t like the idea of cleaning up after them.
- I can make a mean pasta sauce.
- I can read really fast…. But that really means I end up skimming things a lot. So I should probably say I can skim really fast.
- I cry EASILY… a trait I inherited from my DAD!!!!
- I pride myself on how many days I can go without washing my hair (Remember, that I try to be simple)
I could go on, but this list isn’t supposed to be like one of those lists on personal blogs. But hopefully you learned some things about me that will help provide insight into who I am and why I write what I do.

If a thing is worth doing - it is worth doing BADLY!

2009-03-08T16:37:00.006-06:00

Yes you heard right!

I'm quoting Wendy Ulrich, Ph.D. from her book, Forgiving Ourselves.

Our culture teaches us, "If a thing is worth doing it is worth doing well." While it is true that it is a good thing to do your best there is another side of this quote that is just as true and even more applicable.

"In order to do something well we must first be willing to do it badly."

"Things worth doing are worth doing imperfectly rather than throwing up our hands in defeat or sticking with what is easy and familiar. Doing the right things imperfectly, while we learn to do them better, is far more important than wasting time doing less important but easier things well."

Wendy tells a story about Jonas Salk, the inventor of the vaccine that virtually ended polio in a single generation.

"Asked the secret of his genius, Salk credited his mother. He told of being a small boy eating cookies and milk at his mother's table and ignoring her warnings that his milk glass was too close to the edge of the table. Sure enough, his elbow caught the glass and the milk went flying. He noted that most parents would angrily point out that they had warned about this very possibility, but his mother took a different approach. She surveyed the situation and asked calmly,

"Well, son, what have you learned?"

He said that attitude allowed him to withstand the discouragement of a thousand failed experiments, learning from his errors instead of giving in to feelings of stupidity and futility. Salk learned from his mother to face doing badly long enough to eventually do well"

"Our charge is to get back to God much, much wiser and better than when we left Him, something we can accomplish only through traveling the bruising, bloodying roads of mortal temptation, affliction, and periodic failure, as well as the roads of triumph, satisfaction, and ultimate joy."

(Think about learning a language, a sport, a musical instrument; think about learning to run a meeting, caring for a baby, driving a car; and then think about keeping up a good home, friendship, parenting a teenager, managing sexual temptation, overcoming addiction, discerning the Spirit, praying meaningfully).

"The best musicians learn to trust that the music they will ultimately make is more important than today's wrong notes."

The Sapling

2009-03-05T21:35:00.005-07:00

The first time the strength of my roots was seriously tested was when I was sixteen. Two weeks before my Junior year in high school, my best friend and two other close friends were killed by a drunk driver. I was working away from home for the first time that summer, and in retrospect I believe it was by divine design that I was absent. Had I not been hours away at work, I most definitely would have been the fourth victim of that accident, for there was no one in my life that I was closer to at that time than my dear friend.

When I heard the news I went into shock. My brain couldn't process the sudden anguish, and I sort of shut down. Everything was a blur. Voices came at a distance, as though my head was under water. Nothing mattered. All I wanted was peaceful oblivion from the complete onslaught and overload that came upon me. I remember falling asleep for a time, just to escape. When I woke I had to hear the grisly details of the accident. As I heard a description of the three girls' injuries, I didn't even weep. Not yet, anyway.

I isolated myself in the bathroom. I sat motionless in the bathtub until long after the water turned cold. My sister came, knocked on the door, and asked if I was okay. It took me a few minutes to respond as I thought about what a completely ridiculous and inane question that was. Was I okay? Of course I wasn't. My world had just been shattered. As I pondered the question "was I okay?" it eventually dawned on me that my sister was just making sure I wasn't catatonic or lying there with slit wrists, or something. Somehow, I responded. I dimly registered through my pain that I didn't want my family worrying about me, though I knew they would regardless.

I'm not sure when the crying started. I just remember how long it lasted. Though my external crying and audible screaming was frequent enough, it did abate. I was able to breathe in and out, shower, eat, go to school, do my homework, and pretend to care about all my friends who hadn't been killed. But truthfully, the the internal sobbing never really ceased. At least not for a year or two. I allowed myself to be completely consumed by my grief. It probably wasn't the healthiest way to handle the pain, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to drown in it. I wanted to be so overcome that my heart would stop beating, just to still the pain.

I began to ostracize myself from my friends and most social activities that high school presents. Somehow, it was easier to cope when I was alone. The more people I was surrounded by just made her absence seem more acute. I began to avoid any place that held memories of her. I cut off my friendship with almost everyone who had known her. I formed new friendships with people who hadn't known her, so I wouldn't be reminded at every turn. She was so much of my world that when she was gone I lost half myself. I had to redefine myself and recreate my life. Time passed. Life eventually went on.

How did I survive the storm? To be honest, I don't think I had a very deeply developed root system by that time. I was just a sapling, not a mighty oak. I had just enough faith in my Heavenly Father that He carried me through the torrential winds and crashing rain. It was as though the sapling was tied to a strong iron stake in the ground. And as the storm beat upon me, my roots deepened, my trunk thickened, and my branches strengthened. In the midst of the storm the only thing that grounded me was my Father in Heaven. I cried out to Him in many a mighty prayer. I devoured the scriptures nightly. Though I had abandoned church and seminary attendance, my personal relationship with my Heavenly Father and my Savior was never so complete, so dependent, so thorough.

That time of faith amidst suffering is was gave me the root system I have today. It gave me empathy. It gave me perspective. It gave me gratitude. It made me who I am. Intense like the refiners fire, this experience prepared me for the challenges that yet lay ahead. It helped me become the type of person that others could rely on during their own personal hurricanes.

Since that time I have dealt with chronic health problems. I have helped my mother cope with the effects of chemotherapy and the attendant fear. I have struggled with the usual challenges that face young people as they pursue education, marriage, work, and happiness. Through every trial, big or small, I have stood strong. How? By understanding that complete dependence on God is the only way to survive this life. Those who get by without a faith in God are merely unaware and ignorant of how He sustains us and blesses us with the ability go on.

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
Philippians 4:13

Meet Druantia

2009-03-05T19:49:00.000-07:00

Druantia is a Celtic goddess, Queen of the tree-faeries. She is the Protector of Trees, Knowledge, Creativity, Passion, & Fertility. I wish I was more like her. I love and adore trees. I seek and crave knowledge. I claim to be creative and passionate. And I am greatly blessed with fertility.

I'm just your average and not terribly unique suburban housewife/mother/domestic goddess. Actually, I'm not much of a domestic goddess, but I try. I sometimes am wonderful at keeping the house clean, the toys organized, and the meals planned and prepared. However, most of the time I'm merely trying to be good at it and only sort of limping a long.

I'm as full of dichotomies as the next person. I walk to the library and the grocery store when I can. I buy high efficiency light bulbs and appliances. I recycle. However, I also use disposable diapers and waste a lot of water.

I compare myself to others and then realize that I shouldn't compare myself to others and then I get mad at myself for comparing myself to others and end up feeling bad about myself rather than good which is the whole point of not comparing yourself to others. Know what I mean?

Here are a few more true things about me, some good and some not so good:

I believe in God and try to do His will.
I love my family fiercely.
I serve in my local church.
I love to play with and read to my daughter.
I waste too much time on the Internet.
I hate exercise.
I feel guilty a lot.
I read compulsively.
I rarely floss.
I am shy.

Do you relate at all to me? I hope you do. In fact, you probably do, because I am pretty ordinary, after all. That's one of the blessings of being ordinary. You can understand other people, and that can be a great gift. We should all strive to understand one another a bit more.

I think that's what this blog is all about, really. The more we understand each other, the more we realize that we are not alone in our struggles. There is great comfort and strength to be found in that.

Stand

2009-03-05T10:53:00.003-07:00

Did anyone notice in the poem that the wind became weary?

How does Wind become weary?!!

I find it fascinating that the beginning sentence is about the oak tree holding its ground.

Holding our ground can be excruciatingly painful at times. Especially when you feel alone in your stance. But surely, there is truth to the statement “the weary wind.” Perhaps our persistence and our stronghold endurance help the wind to eventually weary and lose its grip on us.

We may wonder sometimes if the wind will let up. We wonder if we are doing the right thing. And most painful can be not knowing if we will be standing when it is through.

And yet, something deep within me tells me there is a true principle to this statement. Through it all the oak is still standing. The wind is weary. The wind has exhausted all its creativity in knocking this oak over. The oak is using one formula: Stand.

I picture the wind as a person looking all frazzled, tongue sticking out from thirst, Face red from blowing, shoulders hunched staring at the oak with desperation saying unbelievably, “How can you still be standing Oak?” Seriously!!!

The poem doesn’t talk about how long the wind blew. But it does describe it was so powerful to steal every leaf away. And most importantly, in the end, the oak was still standing. Broken limbs, snapped boughs, stolen leaves and all.

One of my favorite quotes by Thomas Jefferson states:

“In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.”

Whatever your stance may be. As long as we feel the guiding hand of our Heavenly Father, stand, endure and eventually the wind will become weary.

Grown-up Bullies

2009-03-04T13:41:00.012-07:00

I've just had an experience that made me think of our topic, Celebrating You. I know I've already posted on this subject, but this has been on my mind.

Does anyone run into Grown-Up Bullies? I just did.

This past month I've started taking this water-aerobics class. I'm trying to hit different instructor's classes to see who I like. I had to take my son Wasabi to the daycare at the gym so I was a few minutes early. I see the instructor and start talking with her very friendly like. She seems nice enough so I strap on my waist buoy and some ankle buoys for some more resistance and grab the purple hand buoys, like usual! More people start arriving, many I recognize. We start the warm-up. About 5 minutes into the exercise she says to come grab your hand buoys (these are shaped like dumbbells). I confidently grab my purple hand buoys (which have the most resistance) and she says to me in a patronizing way, "Are you sure you want the purple ones?" She says this like she doesn't want me to use them but won't say it. I say, "Yes." Then she says, "Are you sure?!" Okay, it's not like I'm bringing an anvil into the pool, they're just buoys! So I say "Yes!" and take off to join the others.

Now, deeply ingrained in my being is a desire to please everyone combined with this yearning to do the right thing. Once confident, now I'm second guessing myself, "should I be using the purple buoys?" "Why isn't she using the purple buoys?" "But I like the purple buoys!" The workout goes on. The whole time I'm talking myself into being intimidated by this very intense, controlling person that I've known maybe 30 minutes! I start to feel out of place.

If you've ever been to a deep water water aerobics class, you know that the hand buoys often get switched around because you can't always get to the side of the pool where your buoys are in time for the next exercise. And this lady was a task-master. Not much time in between. Another lady that I know grabbed the purple ones. Not a big deal, she's used them before it's not like she can't handle the apparent girth that seems to be associated with the purple buoys today! I grabbed the black ones that were closest to me and we met in the middle of the pool.

With everyone forming a circle she saw that we had switched buoys. She turns to me and sternly says, "If you choose the purple buoys, you end with the purple buoys!" Whoa! I do not know what I did to offend this woman but I could not believe the public reprimand she gave me! She talked to me like a 3rd grader. My mind went blank! How do I respond to such a bully!

With all the positive energy I could muster I sheepishly said, "That's fine. I don't mind them." The lady who had them kept telling the instructor she didn't mind, but I guess that wasn't the point of this little exercise. I was in a power-struggle and didn't even know it! The class ended with tension in the air as I quickly put my buoys away and scurried out to get Wasabi.

On the ride home I felt like crying. I was upset and embarrassed. After being grateful I was in no way related to this woman, I tried to understand what would make someone so keen on having all the control. And how did I get sucked into her control issues? After a long conversation with myself, I decided this had nothing to do with me or who I am as a person. I would no longer carry her load of insecurities just because she treated me poorly. Luckily, I have the choice never to see this woman again.

But I can sit here and think of other people who are Grown-Up Bullies who I did have to deal with daily. They perfect the craft of intimidation to get ahead or in someway feel good about themselves if I would submit to their way of doing things. As I've grown I've realized the importance of finding my own voice and living with the results, whether they were positive or negative. It's really hard for me not to shrink in intimidation when confronted with a Bully, but I refuse to disappear. I try not to have many regrets, but the regrets I do have are the ones where I let myself be misunderstood or misrepresented. Who I am is getting more important to me everyday. The more I use my voice the more I understand myself and my place in this world. And if I want purple buoys, I'll have my purple buoys!

I feel bad for this woman. I don't hate her and I'm not angry at her anymore. I hope she finds peace in her life. She is on her own journey to loving herself. Unfortunately, I don't know her at all so I can't even blame her actions on a bad day. All I can do is forgive her, hug Wasabi, and move on.

Doing Your Best vs. Perfectionism

2009-03-04T00:17:00.011-07:00

Sometimes, we as women (or is it only me)? - can be a "great wind" to ourselves.

I remember reading that our brain doesn't know the difference between an actual event that is taking place in real time and something that we remember that brings up great feelings from the past. To our brain it is all real time.

I try to remind myself of this when I am holding on to something that brings sadness, fear or anger. Oftentimes the tapes that I play over and over in my head are ones that put myself down for not getting something done. Or, not doing something "good enough." When in all reality, if I were watching someone else doing the same exact thing - I would think they're wonderful!

Here are FIVE bullet point differences of Doing Your Best vs. Perfectionism (click on image to view larger):

This is from the Ensign article "What is Perfectionism" by Cecil Samuelson.

It is quite amazing the words that stand out in each category. I think if I want a tape recording in my head, I would much prefer the one on the left!

Topic of the Month: Celebrating You!

2009-03-03T10:46:00.004-07:00

I was so excited to introduce this topic to you but now that I'm actually at my computer, typing, my mind goes blank!! It's not that I don't find this topic interesting or worthy of our monthly dissection. It's more about which road should I take! My first thought (or question, rather) is how can I celebrate or love who I am when I keep comparing myself to other women? Aren't my efforts good enough? And how does loving myself help strengthen my roots?

I think a lot of this baggage comes from the fact that I hate failure. I aim to do things right and perfect, preferably the first time around. If I don't, I fall short of what I've told myself I should be.

I have this really great friend. Let's call her LuLu. She's poised, graceful, well-read, smart, funny, a great mom, and the list goes on. Instead of being joyous over our common virtues and celebrating our differences I'm stuck comparing and rating our differences. It's a subtle web of misery I create for myself. I think, "Hmmm, LuLu is very graceful, poised, and full of confidence...I'm clunky, quite hairy, and can't seem to sit up straight for more that 3 seconds. She's good and I'm bad! Now I'm forced to hate LuLu! And talk about her all the time!"

Pardon the exagerration. I do have a friend LuLu who is as I described. Sometimes I do struggle comparing myself because I think so highly of her. But am I getting the entire picture? Is this a fair comparison? Afterall, aren't I comparing my weaknesses to her strengths? Unchecked, this road of comparing with judgement could lead to dissolved friendships and a low value of self.

I don't know if anyone is immune to comparing ourselves to others. We are introduced to competion at a very young age. However, we can refrain from making judgements about ourselves and others. When I find myself at the all too familiar crossroads of judgement and acceptance I try with all my might to accept myself for all my faults and successes. Yes, I know that I can be lazy, but I'm also very passionate. Yes, I know I can get angry, but I'm also very kind.

The more we try to accept who we are the less we need to compare. When I can accept my faults I'm content and at peace with myself. Then I'm free to love purely because I'm seeing myself as God sees me. And I'm seeing LuLu as God sees her.

Accepting, loving, and celebrating who I am stregthens me. However, at times acceptance is in the wind that throws us into turmoil. It is through the trials that we learn the sacred act of accepting and forgiving ourselves. With each blow our roots delve deeper into our soil until we realize something we've always known. We each have worth and we all belong here.

I can't wait to hear more thoughts on our topic "Celebrating You!" Contributors, feel free to...well....contribute! Go ahead and post anytime!